“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To comfort all who mourn; To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”
Isaiah 61:1b; 2b-3a
Have you ever experienced a life-altering event that you didn’t expect? Perhaps something that came out of nowhere and crushed you to your very soul? Something so devastating, you didn’t know how you were going to make it through the next 10 minutes, let alone a lifetime?
I can answer in the affirmative to all of the above.
My marriage of 35 years ended in divorce. It was something I did not see coming nor was it something I wanted. However, when you discover that the man you’ve shared your entire adult life with is living a double life with another woman and her children in a different country, you start to rethink some things.
Before I continue, I’d like to introduce myself to you. My name is Jennifer. I am the mother of three adult children and mom-in-law to two amazing sons-in-law that I love as my own. I am Nana to 5 grandchildren who are the littlest loves of my life and let me tell you, they are my joy! During the week, I am a loan coordinator at a local mortgage company and on the weekends, I’m a homebody. That’s pretty much my life in a nutshell. Not flashy or exciting…just a 54 year old woman trying to navigate her way through all the adjustments that come with learning how to be single again.
It hasn’t been an easy journey.
When you love deeply, you grieve deeply. And oh, how I loved him. My life completely revolved around a man I thought I knew yet did not know at all. I am so thankful for a loving and merciful God who knows just how much we can take at one time. He revealed the devastating truth in stages. Four years prior to my discovery, God started giving me hints that something was wrong in my marriage. Just subtle things such as my ex-husband telling me that if we ever got divorced, we’d probably “continue to live together and just lead separate lives”. He was the type of guy who always teased me so I didn’t take him seriously all the time. But as I think back on it now, that was his way, and God’s, to show me the intent of his heart.
As you and I walk this road together, I will be open while sharing my life with you. It won’t always be pretty or a “Hallmark” moment but I will covenant together with you to always be my authentic self, no matter what that may look like. This season has been raw yet revealing; devastating yet delivering; vicious yet victorious; grievous yet gracious. It’s the only way I know how to describe the myriad of emotions that I have experienced while going through rejection, betrayal, mental abuse, and deceit.
I know, with every ounce of my being, there is only one reason I’ve made it to where I am today and His name is Jesus! Instead of running from Him, I ran to Him! Instead of pushing away from Him, I pressed in to Him! Instead of crying alone, I cried out to Him! I searched and studied and found comfort in His word! I listened to my Pastor as he brought message after message that spoke to me right in the middle of my mess! I sought after God’s truth because I wanted to be healed from the abuse, the betrayal, the rejection, the abandonment, and the pain that was ravaging my soul. I knew He was the only One who could bring good from what the enemy meant for evil! (Genesis 50:20) I knew He was the only One who could bring beauty from the ashes of what was left of my heart. (Isaiah 61:3)
I knew that if God allowed it to touch my life, it had already been filtered through His almighty loving hand and He had a purpose for letting it happen. He’s a good, good Father and I know He only wants what’s best for me. I have seen Him do things during this season that do not make sense to my finite mind but I know it was His hand that made them so.
And, most of all, I knew that if God allowed me to go through all of that agony, someday there would be someone who would need my testimony and encouragement in the middle of theirs. I knew someone would need to hear how He makes a way out of no way! I knew someone would need to be strengthened by truth from His precious word. I knew it would be you.
It’s for you I share my story. It’s for you I am here. It’s for you God allowed grief to cut deep into my heart so I can understand yours. Grief comes in many different forms and may even change its effect on individual people but there is One who does not change! There is One who remains constant! There is One who loves you beyond what you can imagine and sees you right where you are. That One is Jesus! He is well acquainted with grief. He was betrayed and rejected by those who were supposed to love Him the most. He understands.
I am still a healing work in progress but it is my deepest desire the Spirit will use the events I have walked through to speak to your heart. Whatever you are experiencing in this season of life, I pray that you will be encouraged and uplifted by everything we share together and most of all, that you’ll feel His embrace, and know that you are never, ever alone.
“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
1 Peter 5:10 NASB
Reflecting His Heart,
Jennifer
❤️
I love you, too!