“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To comfort all who mourn; To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”
Isaiah 61:1b; 2b-3a ESV
I met him at church.
He was my pastor’s son, home on leave from the Army, and was in my Sunday School class. He was very handsome and it was hard for me to take my eyes off him. Actually, it was hard for any of us to keep our eyes off him since he was talking non-stop about himself and the Army. I thought he was arrogant and loud, but he had a charisma that I was attracted to.
After Sunday school, his dad met me at the bottom of the stairs.
“Have you met my Lieutenant son yet?” he asked me, with a lot of enthusiasm.
I told him yes, but I was curious as to why he seemed so happy about it. I went into the sanctuary, sat down with my brother-in-law, and waited for the service to start. The “Lieutenant” came in and sat beside the pastor’s wife, which made sense since it was his mom. At different times throughout the service, I caught him staring at me. I was a little uncomfortable but wondered how this worldly military man could be interested in me, a poor little church mouse from the country.
When the service was over, I met my family in the parking lot to go home. The Lieutenant walked right up to me and asked if he could speak privately with me for a minute. I agreed and followed him back into the church. He leaned up against the back of one of the pews and he said,
“My name is BJ. I am 28 years old and I’m not into playing games. If you’d like to get to know me better, the next time I’m home on leave, maybe we could go out together. Can I have your address and your phone number?”
I stood there and stared at him, unable to speak, and barely able to breathe. My heart pounded so hard, I was sure he could’ve heard it. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen, with piercing hazel-green eyes. I was mesmerized. When I finally found my voice, I gave him my address and phone number.
He called from time to time and I also received a few handwritten letters. However, I found it odd that whenever we talked, he’d ask how much weight I’d lost. At a size 6, I certainly didn’t consider myself overweight by any means but I guess he did. At that, I went on a diet so the next time he called, I’d be ready with an answer.
I did lose weight before I saw him again. I ate nothing but popcorn and drank only diet Pepsi for 2 months.
I lost ten pounds.
He came home for ten days at Christmas that year in 1982. We dated the entire time he was home. In fact, I stayed at his parent’s home, as mine was many miles into the country. At the end of those ten days, on a Sunday afternoon, he flew back to Fort Hood, Texas where he was stationed. I was devastated. I’d never been in love before but, if this is what it felt like, I didn’t ever want it to end! Never had I felt so cherished in all my life. No one had ever paid attention to or treated me the way he did. Before he went to the airport, he told me he had left something for me on my bed. It was his military photo, and written on the back were these words:
“Always remember that I care and love you. I’ll return real soon for you. BJ”
That was when tears found the edge of my eyes. I couldn’t hold them back any longer. I laid down on the bed and cried myself to sleep.
Three days later, he called me and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes and the wedding plans commenced.
I married my handsome, young Army officer in April of 1983. I vowed to follow him for as long as I lived. No matter where life took us, I was marked for life as his. Not only did I wear his ring, he was inscribed on my heart through a covenant. I knew we would get through anything life threw at us because we had each other and, more importantly, we had Jesus.
Two days after the wedding, we set off on our honeymoon. We drove across the country from the state of Washington to Fort Hood, Texas and started our life together.
At first, I was excited about my new way of life. I was happy to be his wife and just wanted to take care of him. At 19, I had fun as I set up our little, one bedroom apartment and cooked the few recipes I had learned in my mom’s kitchen. The distance between Texas and my former home, in the countryside hills of Oregon, didn’t seem so far as long as I stayed busy. But it didn’t take long before the reality of military life hit me. It certainly was not like any movies I’d ever seen, nor was it like the TV shows M*A*S*H or Army Wives.
Not. Even. Close.
The nature of his job kept him at work 12 to 14 hours a day. I was not used to being alone so much. I missed my family and my best friend terribly. I’m sure the letters I wrote during those lonely times sounded like I was miserable but I wasn’t as long as he was home. But when he was gone, the days would drag. He suggested I find a gym to join to “give me something to do” while he was at work and I could “stay in shape” (again with the weight thing.) So, I joined a gym and went a few times a week. I made a friend there and it helped to pass the time. I mainly lived for the weekends because those were his days off. The way I lived developed one of total dependence on him, although I did not realize it at the time. I convinced myself I could not be happy unless I was with him. Those early days set a precedent for the rest of my marriage that I could not have foreseen.
In the military, we moved approximately every three years. With each new set of orders, movers would come into our home, pack up everything we owned, then
we’d say goodbye to friends we’d become close to. He belonged to the Department of Defense and we moved where they said, when they said, and how they said.
He was gone a lot. He went here and there and did the job he was amazingly gifted to do. He was very successful. Once our babies came, I was a full time mom and poured my heart and soul into raising them. I felt blessed beyond measure. The Army can be a very isolated lifestyle. You become very guarded and very selective of who you let get close because you know it’s only a matter of time before you’ll be moved away again.
In 1998, the Army moved us to Alabama where BJ eventually retired and took a job as a government contractor. He was gone ever so much more than he was in the Army, so, I settled into life, went to work for the first time ever, and prayed for him as he traveled around the world to provide for us.
When our marriage hit the 30-plus year mark, our relationship changed. At first, I really wasn’t too concerned because I knew that people change over time so I thought it was just the normal course of life. But when the travel requirement for his job began to last for months at a time, I knew something was wrong. We didn’t see each other very often and when we did, we didn’t have much to talk about. He became very distant. He started coming home later after work, would leave the house every single weekend at the crack of dawn to go to our local home improvement store, Lowe’s, and was gone for hours. When he was home, he was there physically, but mentally and emotionally, he was always checked out. I had so many questions clouding my mind, but I had no clear answers:
Has he always been the person he is now? Is he just a good actor and has been covering things up all these years? We used to spend all our free time together so what has changed? Why does he leave me alone all the time? What have I done?
But, instead of pursuing answers to these questions, I rationalized them away. I told myself I was imagining things and crazy for even thinking them. Yet, the distance between us continued to grow. Even when I dared broach the subject of our relationship (or lack thereof), he would do one of two things; he’d either get defensive and lash out at me or he’d say, “We’re more than good, baby!” If I received the latter response, he’d either pat me on the head or give me a side hug then go about whatever it was he was doing. If he weren’t traveling somewhere, he worked in the yard, or went to Lowe’s, or sat on the back patio and scrolled through his phone. If I was inside, he was outside. He avoided interaction with me whenever he could.
This scenario went on for about four years. I walked on eggshells whenever I was around him. I never knew what kind of mood he’d be in because we didn’t talk much. So when he’d get home from work, I pretended everything was fine and did all I could to keep him happy; even when it felt like I was dying inside. I just prayed and asked God for answers. I asked for God to reveal whatever it was in me that made him pull away. He continued to tell me we were “more than good” so I eventually blamed myself. I decided it must’ve been something I did or wasn’t doing. I convinced myself it was my weight, which I had managed to keep under control throughout our marriage. Once menopause took hold of me, it was game over. Nothing I tried had lasting results. I was very frustrating and even more disheartened.
In my desperation to be loved and accepted by my husband, I found a plastic surgeon who performed a procedure called “Smart Lipo”. This procedure claimed to be less invasive and recovery time was minimal compared to those performed in a hospital setting. This was my answer! I made an appointment.
He took the day off so he could drive me to the clinic because I wouldn’t be allowed to drive home afterwards. We walked in together and he asked the nurse how long it would take and what time he needed to come back to pick me up. He did not plan to stay. I had no idea he’d planned to drop me off and leave. He told he had a lot of yard work to do and would be back later. Once again, a kiss on the forehead and he was gone. I should have cancelled the procedure then and there but I didn’t. I went through with it. To say it was not a good experience is an understatement. I woke up several times during the procedure so more drugs had to be administered to keep me under. I don’t remember a lot about what happened afterwards. I know he came back to get me then drove me home. I recalled he helped me to the recliner in the living room, where my pillow and a blanket were. He gave me the prescribed pain meds, a glass of water, the remote to the TV, and he was gone, again. Guess he had more yard work to do.
Have you ever felt that grass and flowers were more important than you?
He went back to work the next day and I was left to care for the wounds myself. It was difficult to change the dressings due to the drugs that still ravaged my system but I had been an Army wife. I was strong. I could do anything. And I did. I told myself he had to get back to work. There were bills to be paid. Once again, I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I Convinced myself he had my best interest at heart to provide for me.
It took a week for the drugs to completely wear off and I was left with the worst bruises I had ever seen. I had never seen more shades of purple in my life! The procedure worked, for the most part. The places that received the treatment were smaller although were uneven in some places. Overall, I was happy but nothing changed in our relationship. He was still distant and did his own thing. I was sad and prayed for a break through.
One Sunday morning, he left early to make his weekend run to Lowe’s. As I sat alone in the living room, I scrolled through my Facebook feed to make the lonely time pass. As I scrolled, I came across a page for a church in North Carolina called Elevation. The praise and worship music resonated in my heart so I lingered there to listen. When the music ended, a young pastor walked to the pulpit to bring the morning sermon. The Holy Spirit impressed on me that I needed to heed the words about to be spoken. I sat there with my eyes glued to the screen and my ears attentive to whatever God was about to speak into my soul.
I will never, ever forget what happened after the pastor finished his
sermon entitled It Had to Happen. I had been in church my entire life but had never felt so secure and surrounded by the Holy Spirit as I did in that moment! I knew God was about to do something huge in my life. I could not sit still. I paced around my living room and prayed. As tears streamed down my face, the Spirit impressed these words on my heart.
“You need to move out of the master bedroom. I cannot do what I need to do in your life until you remove yourself from him.”
This was now the second time I’d heard these words in my heart and I knew God wouldn’t take no for an answer this time. Six months prior, I’d heard these very same words and I made excuses as to why I couldn’t do as He asked. “I can’t move out of our room, Jesus. It will hurt him”. Everything I did, as to what was made for dinner or how much I paid on a bill, I always considered how he’d feel about it or how it would affect him. Always. My life completely revolved around him.
But this time, it was different. This time, these words of instruction were urgent. I knew they required my obedience and once obeyed, they’d bring answers to my heart. Somehow I managed to whisper, “Okay, Jesus.”
What I heard next glued my feet to the floor.
I. Could. Not. Move!
“Even if he walks away from you forever, do you choose Me?”
This time, I did not hesitate with how I answered.
No excuses.
“Yes, Jesus. I choose You.”
Little did I know those five words had just changed the entire course of my life.
Later that night, I went into our room to gather a few things. He was already in bed, scrolling through his phone, as was his custom. My heart pounded so hard I was sure he could hear it from across the room. He sensed something was wrong so he asked me to come closer. He held out his hand so I walked over, took his hand, and started sobbing. My voice was no more than a whisper. I told him about my encounter with the Holy Spirit that morning. He just sat there, looking at me. Tears welled up in his eyes but they didn’t last long. They were gone as fast as they came. Then his composure completely changed. Without expression or emotion, he looked right into my eyes and said, “Well, if that’s what God told you to do, then I think you should do it”.
I had just told the only man I’d ever loved, that God had told me to move out of our room and he acted like it was an every day occurrence! He was completely indifferent. I really didn’t know how to respond to that. I chose to say nothing at all. I picked up my pillow and turned toward the bedroom door. I heard not a goodnight or a sleep well from his lips. Silence between us, once again. But I definitely heard 
something as I closed the door softly behind me.
In that moment, I’m quite sure I heard my heart as it shattered into a million pieces.
I felt lost. I slowly walked through the kitchen to the other side of the house. In 35 years of marriage, the only time we slept apart was when he traveled away from home. I opened the door to our guest room. It wasn’t prepared for anyone to stay in. It had become more of a storage room. The bed was covered with boxes and wasn’t even made. I pushed the boxes over just far enough for me to have room to lie down. I curled up in a ball and stared into the darkness. Then they came. I felt the hot, salty tears as they dropped onto my cheeks, rolled down my face, and melted into my pillow.
A few days later, he had to travel again. The morning he left, he knocked lightly on the guest room door then opened it. As the taxi waited in the driveway to take him to the airport, he leaned over, kissed the top of my head, and told me he’d text me when he arrived. He said “love you”, and was gone.
Two days later, I had just crawled into bed when the Holy Spirit prompted me to check his email. This was something I never did because I had no reason not to trust him but the Spirit was persistent. Out of obedience, I logged in to his email account and was shocked at what I saw.
With the help of a Google “hang outs” chat room and Facebook, I learned he had been involved with a woman in another country for over two years! He was living a double life, and had “created” another family! Complete with household and personal items that had once been in our home! I found pictures of meals he’d cooked for us as well as pictures of trips we’d taken together. There was even a picture of our dog with a caption that read “mine and daddy’s dog in America”! Pictures of flowers he said he planted for me in our yard, were captioned that he “planted them for her”! Birthday and anniversary cards made out to “My Loving Wife” that he had signed! Pictures of the two of them kissing, framed, and portrayed on the window ledge above the bed he’d bought for her! TV’s, laptops, furniture, iPhones, and so much more in a house he helped her get! AND the biggest shocker of all! She wore a wedding band on her left ring finger AND she had used our last name (MY last name) on her Facebook profile!
She was living MY life with MY husband with MY things and MY last name! I felt like I was stuck in a Lifetime movie nightmare! I kept thinking I was going to suddenly wake up and realize this was NOT happening to me!
Yet, it was happening.
As the reality of what I had just discovered slowly started taking root in my soul, I felt a tightness wrap itself around my chest and I could not breathe.
Devastated doesn’t even come close to described what happened inside me. Every emotion the human brain and body is capable of feeling, pinged all over, at the same time. He told me over and over we were more than good and he’d lied the whole time! He looked me right in the eye, spun out his lies, and didn’t even flinch! The questions had clouded my mind, came into painful focus.
- The “emotional affair” he had confessed to, happened in the same time frame as the dates she’d posted on Facebook.
- The travel extensions when he was in her country now made sense.
- The text message he sent, with the screen shot of our empty lot with an Asian woman’s picture at the bottom, had to be her.
- The late meetings at work and trips to “Lowe’s” so early in the morning were due to the time difference between here and there.
- The international phone number I discovered on our cell phone bill (multiple times), that he claimed was a co-worker, turned out to be hers.
- The “care packages” to the “orphanage” he prepared from our pantry were really being mailed to her and her kids.
- The extra food he bought at the commissary, so he could make “tacos for the soldiers” while he was over there, were portrayed on her dinner table in one of her Facebook posts.
- Miscellaneous dishes that had randomly disappeared from my kitchen were now on her kitchen counter.
- The Victoria’s Secret reward cards that came in the mail he asked if he could have so he could “buy things for me”, were actually used to purchase things for her.
- The countless number of times he asked our daughter to dye my hair black because he wanted me to look like her.
- The obsession over my weight suddenly made sense and why nothing changed after I put myself through all that agony.
- All the Starbuck’s and flowers he brought home to me after his trips to wherever he went, were just guilt offerings.
WHY, GOD! Why is this happening??? Was our entire marriage just one big lie? I believed everything he told me! Everything!
WHY?
My previously shattered heart was now nothing but dust.
I called him the night I found out. When I confronted him, he tired to convince me it was just a “one time thing”. He didn’t know the things his “other” had plastered all over Facebook so I knew he was lying. I asked him to come home early from his trip; we needed to talk and counsel with our pastor so we could save our marriage. He said he couldn’t but I know had he wanted to and had told his boss what was happening, he would have been allowed to come home. The reality was hitting me again. He didn’t want to come home. He had no intention of saving our marriage. He didn’t want to save us. Actually, I’m sure he was feeling relief that I knew about their relationship and that it was just a matter of time before he could finally be rid of me and on to his new life.
When he eventually returned to Alabama from his trip, he went straight to a hotel because I told him not to come home. But after a week of texting and awkward phone conversations, I knew it was time for us to talk face to face. I asked him to come over to our house so we could talk.
He knocked on the back door then opened it slowly, in much the same way he’d done on the guest room door the morning he left on his trip. It was strange to me that he knocked both times. It was the house we built together to retire in. It was our house. We’d been married for 35 years but were complete strangers. We really were.
I was in my room and I heard him say, “I’m here.” I have to admit, I was scared to see him. I met him in the hallway but didn’t look directly at him. He pulled me into his arms and said, “I’m so sorry, baby”, kissed the top of my head then started crying. I was sobbing. But, once again, his tears were gone as quickly as he turned them on.
When I pulled away from him and our eyes met, I felt a cold shiver rush through me. His sparkling, hazel-green eyes were now dark and cold! It was as if the light had gone out of them. I had to turn away and not look directly at him. I could not bear it.
We went into the living room and sat down to talk. I wanted answers. He had come over to talk but it wasn’t about reconciling and working through my recent discovery. He had a totally different agenda in mind.
He got up from his chair, walked into the kitchen, and opened the junk drawer. He came back with a notepad, pulled a pen out of his jacket pocket, and proceeded to ask me how we should divide the household items! When I told him I wasn’t going to do that but, rather, wanted answers to my questions, I guess he clearly became confused as to what I had just said. Because, at that point, he thought it would be a good idea to tell me the story of how he met his girlfriend! How she needed to be “rescued”.
REALLY?!
CLEARLY that was not a story I was going to sit there and listen to!
Are you for real, right now!!
I was completely aghast at his cruelty to actually want to tell me about the woman he’d been having an affair with! For him to think I would be interested in wanting to know how he “rescued her” from her “pitiful life” was almost more than my heart could take!!!
I DID NOT CARE!
He wanted to tell me about her like we were good old buddies! I was blown away that he thought I’d be happy for him and just accept this other woman like she was one of the family! He was completely serious about wanting to share this with me!
ARE YOU A COMPLETE IDIOT?!
I AM YOUR WIFE!
YOUR WIFE!!
I could not believe how light-hearted he was about it all. I honestly could not believe what I was hearing! I was getting angry and was sick of listening to him trying to justify his behavior like it was completely okay for him to be having an affair because I “made him do it” (his words). I told him I’d heard enough and begged him to answer my questions with the truth. I wanted to know why. I thought he owed me that much!
What happened next is still terribly painful. My life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. I was supposed to live happily ever after with my handsome Army officer. My one and only love. The man I’d given my entire life to and put before everything else in my life and I mean everything!
But that was not to be because of what he said next.
He told me he was “tired of pretending”, was “not willing” to go to counseling to save our marriage, nor did he have any remorse for what he’d done and was continuing to do. He felt “justified” because he “just wanted to be happy”. Oh, and his answer to my question of why? He wanted “his cake and ice cream, too!” (his exact words).
And with that, he stood up from his chair and started walking toward the back door. I followed him, with tears streaming down my face. I was in utter disbelief about this entire situation and all the hurtful words I’d just heard him speak. He stopped as he got to the back door and said, “I’m going to turn the driveway lights on for you,” then closed the door behind him. Just like that, he was gone. Again! Leaving me in a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor.
I’m not sure how long I laid there. It might have been five hours. It might have only been five minutes. I had absolutely no concept of time. I heard my phone ringing in the distance, and it was his ringtone!
WHY are you calling me? Did you leave something out?
I did not answer. The next thing I heard was his text tone.
Really? Why are you doing this to me? Just leave me alone!
I eventually picked myself up off the floor. I looked around and found my phone then, somehow, managed to make it to my bed. It was then I read his text message.
“Please answer me. If you don’t, I’m going to turn this truck around and come back.”
Did he really expect me to answer him after what had just transpired between us? What kind of vicious, manipulative mind game was he playing? I thought he wasn’t into playing games?
I had no strength left in me. I couldn’t even cry anymore. I was numb. I laid there in the darkness, staring at the street-light-glow coming through the window.
What is happening to my life, Jesus? Why did he do this? Why is he destroying our family and the life we’ve built together? Did he ever love me? Or did he think 
I needed to be rescued, like her? Is that why he married me? Because he thought I needed to be saved by him? And who is he anyway? I don’t even know the person who just left here. Is that the real him? And his eyes, Jesus! What happened to his eyes?! The most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. They used to be filled with so much love. And light! Oh, Jesus…what happened to the light?
I had never been more broken in my entire life. How do you spend 35 years with the same man and not see this side of him?
We didn’t talk about reconciling again after that night.
He had been with this woman for over two years and it was quite clear that he was going to continue his relationship with her. He called her his wife! He had proven he had no feelings for me whatsoever and I knew I could not continue to live in a loveless marriage with an unfaithful husband. Then the question the Spirit had asked, just a few short weeks before, came to my remembrance.
“Even if he walks away from you forever, do you choose Me?”
I filed for divorce on September 11, 2017. It was, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. By November, everything I’d known and lived my entire adult life was completely over with the simple stroke of a pen and the seal of a notary.
He was out of my life just as quickly as he’d entered it 35 years before. He packed up what he wanted from what remained in our house after I moved out. Then he sold, donated, or threw away everything else. He quit his job of 18 years, packed his suitcase, boarded an airplane, and moved to her country. He picked up with her right where they left off and didn’t give a thought to what he’d left in his wake.
While I do not claim to be an expert on navigating through grief, I do know how it has affected me. It has been the most painful experience of my life. Excruciating, tangible pain. One that ached in my chest and would not go away. I begged God to ease the pain but it never went away. The only time I didn’t feel it was when sleep would find me (which wasn’t very often) and I could escape it for a little while.
It was real and it was raw. It hurt then and it hurts now. There are times, when a smell or a place or a song will trigger a memory and grief overwhelms me. That’s the way it is with grief. It hits you out of nowhere and it doesn’t make sense! I know I was not a perfect wife, nor did I ever claim to be. I know that I made mistakes along the way, too, and I own every one of them. I always thought we could get through anything together.
Healing is a process and it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You have to feel it to heal from it. It hurts. Sometimes I think I’ll always grieve, to a certain extent, knowing the life I envisioned on my wedding day is not what it looks like today. I spent my entire adult life with him. That’s not something you just get over and move on from in a few days, weeks, or months.
You may be wondering why I didn’t leave when all his weird behavior started or why didn’t I follow him when he made all those trips to the store at odd hours. I’ve wondered those very same things myself and even prayed about them. The only thing I have any clarity about is I made a covenant with him for life. I didn’t take that lightly and even though I know I had Biblical grounds to divorce him, I don’t think I could admit to myself that he was really doing what my instincts kept screaming he was really doing! Even when my sister told me to follow him, and I knew she was right, I was terrified of what I would discover. I wasn’t ready to grasp the fact of his betrayal. I wasn’t ready to admit that he had broken our covenant. I wasn’t ready to know the one person in the whole world who vowed to love me for life, DID NOT love me but was instead an imposter, a liar, and a cheater. To protect an already wounded heart, I lived in denial and told myself that it “wasn’t that bad”.
Looking back now, there were several times during that four-year period, when the Spirit was subtly revealing things about my marriage that weren’t visible on the surface. And although I wasn’t aware of it at the time, I truly believe God was preparing me for the end. There was one such event that truly disturbed me. It still does.
We had both just arrived home from work and, since it was a cool evening, decided to sit on the patio. This didn’t happen very often because, as I mentioned before, we really didn’t talk much. Somehow, we started talking about how we have a choice to be hot or cold (as mentioned in God’s word) and how either choice affects your life. I thought it strange for us to be talking about anything remotely spiritual because whenever I mentioned the name of Jesus, he changed the subject pretty quickly.
“That’s what we are”, he said.
“Are what?” I asked.
“Fire and Ice. You’re fire and I’m ice.”
I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure where he was going with the conversation. Then he said,
“Do you know what happens when you put ice on a hot surface?”
I just sat there looking at him because I really didn’t know how to respond. He looked me right in my eyes and said…
“It evaporates.”
God has a perfect timetable. He revealed the truth just when it needed to be. I trust Him with everything I am and with all that I have so I knew He would take care of whatever BJ was doing in His time. I just waited. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that God was taking charge and was delivering me that Sunday morning when His holy presence was so tangible in my living room. But did you notice that He revealed nothing until I was obedient? He told me to move out of the room six months earlier and when I told Him I wasn’t ready, He waited. He’s very patient, loving, and long suffering. He didn’t reveal the truth until I was obedient to His plan. I had to choose to obey Him without knowing the outcome first, then truth was brought to light.
That brings me to where I am now. I know, with every ounce of my being, that the only way I made it through all of that betrayal and agony was because of Jesus. 
Instead of blaming Him and running from Him, I ran to Him! I pressed in to Him! I cried out to Him! I searched and studied His word! I sought after God’s truth because I wanted to be healed from the abuse, the betrayal, the rejection, the abandonment, and the pain that was ravaging my heart. I knew He was the only One who could bring good from what the enemy meant for evil! (Genesis 50:20) I knew He was the only One who could bring beauty from the ashes of what was left of my heart. (Isaiah 61:3)
Jesus is the reason I have the strength to share my story with you. Jesus is the reason I am who I am today. (1 Corinthians 15:10) Jesus is the reason that “through Him I live and function and have my being”. (Acts 17:28)
No, I did not envision my marriage ending in divorce. When God told me to move out of the master bedroom, I completely expected for Him to heal my marriage but that was not how it turned out. I accept that. And you know what? Even knowing what I do now, I would make the same choice again. I know that whatever He allows to touch my life has already been filtered through His almighty loving hand and He will give me the strength to get through it. No matter what it is!
I am still in the healing process. I am learning to embrace life as a single woman and it has not been an easy road to walk. I have good days and bad days and, yes, I still cry sometimes. However, I know that I know that I KNOW, I am never, ever alone. Jesus is always with me. He is the Constant in my life and I am so very blessed to be His child!
God has blessed me with a new home, in a quiet, small town in Alabama. Both of my girls are married, raising families of their own. My son lives with me, as he’s finishing up his degree at a local university. I have five adorable grandchildren who are my joy! He also blessed me with an amazing job that I love. My life is full and I am so very, very thankful.
It is my deepest desire that the Spirit will use my personal experience to speak to your heart, no matter what life situation you are in the middle of. Whatever it is, I pray you’ll be encouraged, uplifted, and most of all, that you’ll feel His embrace, and know that you are never, ever alone.