I’m in a battle…for my mind.
This past week has been a very difficult one. Although it was not visible on the outside, there was a battle raging within me. On the outside, I looked like I was doing okay but my mind was at odds. On one side, stood the things I know to be true about God and His promises. On the other, the lies and deception of the enemy.
Six months ago, I took a break from Facebook. It had taken over my life. I was more concerned about who was doing what with who and for how long than I was about reading God’s word, listening to praise and worship music, or even caring for the home that God has blessed me with. It had become too much. So, I asked my kids to change my password and not tell me what they changed it to. At first, it was a little hard for me but as the days without it passed, I noticed how much more peaceful my life had become. I didn’t even miss it.
(I want to say right here and now that I’m not against Facebook or saying it’s a bad thing. We have a page for this ministry and it’s an awesome way to communicate with friends and family. It had just become too overwhelming for me and my personal walk with Jesus. I felt I needed to take a step back and reevaluate my priorities.)
When this ministry was launched last month, I knew I would have to be back on Facebook to share content from the website. At first, it was going well and I thought I could handle it. That was my first mistake...I thought. Little did I know, it was a set up. A set up by the enemy to get me to go back to my old habits. The enemy will use anything he can to take our eyes off God and His purpose for our lives. Even if it only works for a little while. He knew the reason for me being back on Facebook was for the ministry but he also knows my habits. He knew that once I logged back on, it was only a matter of time, before I’d, once again, be searching and obsessing over things I could do nothing about. Ohhhh, the enemy is subtle. Even though I think I know his tactics and how he works, I fell. I was back in the pit! Even though I had been posting scripture and blog posts on the ministry page, I was on my personal page as well, back to obsessing over people and situations that are completely beyond my control. The enemy did not make me fall back into the pit…it was 100% my choice. All he did was present the opportunity then waited for me to act. Because that’s what he does. He sets the trap then waits for his prey. God’s word warns us about this in 1 Peter 5:8…
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
~ 1 Peter 5:8 ESV
The sleepless nights had returned and, consequently, tossing and turning as well. One particular night, as I was desperately waiting for sleep to find me, the Holy Spirit impressed on me to get my journal and write. As I got up to get my journal, I had no idea what to write about. I guess I could’ve started with I’m having a hard time sleeping tonight but God had a different word He wanted me to write down.
This is what I heard Him speak into my heart.
I will redeem what the enemy has stolen from you.
So, I started out with those ten words. I was sure the Spirit was going to convict me over the Facebook fiasco but He didn’t. He just spoke His word into my heart. Fifteen pages later, I had written down everything God had reminded me of…of who I am…of Whose I am!
God knew I was going to fall back into that pit. He knows my habits, too; just as the enemy does. But God has power over the enemy and what the enemy cannot do is read my thoughts. God knows my thoughts. He knows the intent of my heart. He knows that being back in that pit was not where I wanted to be. And instead of chastising me for my failure, He reminded me of Whose I am and Who He is! By reminding me that He is the Great I Am and I am His child, (which sets me free from the yoke of slavery the enemy wants me tangled up in) God reached down into my room that night, took me by the hand, and pulled me up out of the pit that was about to envelope me. It wasn’t dramatic. I didn’t hear anything except the still small voice of my Savior, speaking words of affirmation into my heart. Then He told me to lie down and go to sleep. And that, I did. It was the first time in a week I had laid down and drifted peacefully into rest.
God knows what has broken my heart. God knows the events that have turned my life upside down. God knows that I’ve had no closure on a few things that were left undone. When I keep my mind focused on Him, peace remains. But when I allow the enemy to distract me, even for just a little while, the event that broke my heart and turned my world upside down, becomes more than I can handle. The enemy will use any means possible to stop the purpose of God in this world and His plans for my life. This time, he used Facebook as the catalyst against me. Facebook has a search engine that allows me to see things that cause excruciating pain. Both things I cannot change nor want to change and causes me to take my eyes off Jesus and keep me stuck in the past.
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. ~ Isaiah 26:3 ESV
My loving Heavenly Father, Who is the Great I Am, doesn’t want me stuck in the past. He doesn’t want me fretting over what has happened or over things I cannot change. He wants me present, here and now, so He can lead me on to the purpose He has for me. He wants me present, here and now, so He can lead me into the next season of my life.
God wants the same for you, too. He wants you present, here and now. He knows the event that broke your heart. He knows the grief you’re carrying. He knows that sometimes you don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. He knows where you hurt and who or what hurt you. He is your loving Heavenly Father. He
is the Great I Am. He is everything you need.
You may not be healed from your brokenness immediately. Your situation may not change overnight but I can assure you of one thing. Having Him right there, in the middle of your mess, makes the battle a little easier to get through. I know because I’m there, too. He goes before us and makes the pain a little less intense. He goes before us and makes getting out of bed in the morning a little easier. He goes before us and makes the agony of loss feel a little less agonizing.
Jesus makes everything in my life better. He is always there. He never leaves. And, He constantly reminds me, in His still small voice…
Whose I Am!