Nothing Wasted

“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from Heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”    ~ Isaiah 55:10-11

Watering the newly planted grass that was to be my yard, watching the droplets fall to the earth from the hose I held in my hand, I prayed a simple prayer: “Lord, speak.” Through the leafy trees, rays of sunshine spot-lighted kelly-green blades of baby grass peeking through the soil, and I wondered what Jesus might say to me. Continuing my task, I could see trees, grass, earth and blue skies, but I couldn’t ‘hear’ the whispered words my heart longed for. I muttered again: “I need You to say something to me, Lord. This ministry is starting, the train has left the station, and while I believe with every ounce of me that this is my reason for being, I’m afraid I have nothing to say.”

I quieted myself and focused on the water droplets spraying from my garden hose for the sole purpose of giving drink to these fledgling seeds. Without it, they wouldn’t survive. The labor of ground preparation and planting would be in vain. I worried and wondered if the seeds would germinate; if a lush green lawn was in my future…or perhaps, a writing ministry I feared I wasn’t qualified for. That’s when His answer came to me (in my own paraphrased way) and was quickly conveyed to my heart: “as the rain comes down and does not return without watering the earth, so My word goes out from My mouth and does not return void but accomplishes ALL for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:10-11). And I knew it was His answer to my question.

I have been tasked with sharing my experiences with others. Mine has not been an easy life; no one’s is. But if the things I’ve suffered and contended with over the years merely “resolve” without benefiting others from lessons learned, then my suffering is in vain. And that’s where the disconnect has always been. Fear enters the equation (every single time), and it looks something like this…

Life happens, something causes uneasiness, which leads to an inexplicable need for me to write, quickly followed by a fear to do so. Fear of a blank page turns into an even greater fear of putting my words on the page; words representative of vulnerable places inside me. This fear results in not writing; not following my calling. Often, I don’t even attempt that which I know God is patiently waiting for me to do.

I knew I wanted to be a writer at 12 or 13 years old. By 16, that desire turned to need as a way of expressing myself, processing the world around me and finding my way. Teenaged angst can be a powerful motivator. It certainly was for me. So, I wrote. Like a painter paints and a budding thespian acts, I wrote poetry with abandon. I also spent a fair amount of time outside letting God inspire me through nature. If I were to look back and read my early works (and I have), I would be embarrassed at my immaturity and melodrama. However, if I were to also look beyond the surface, I’d see a young girl who not only placed value on language, but who literally basked in the beauty of the written word. In studying her drafts, I would see attempts at making words leap from the page and embrace in a dance of lyrical prose, and I’d see edits when those words didn’t quite communicate her intention.

Fast forward forty years. Life took some left turns; the opposite of right. And while yes, I know that’s a bad pun, it’s also truth. My friend Holly used to say, “when making a life decision between two good things, ask yourself this question: ‘is it merely good…or is it right? Better yet, is one of the choices only cloaked in a mask of goodness?’” I wish I’d known that when I was young. How many wrong choices might have been avoided, and how much heartache saved? That includes my very recent years of intense grief over lost time and lost dreams. Life circumstances…even the most tragic ones…usually and eventually resolve to an extent that is compatible with life. The black hole of loss, the stinging memory of unfortunate words, the deep ache that settles over us when we’re hit with the realization that our own choices play a part in the agony…and worst of all, knowing that the pain of consequences extends to those we love but who share no blame. These things we can usually move beyond, to a place of healing acceptance. But for me, it’s been the sinking realization that precious time has slipped away, imperceptibly, coupled with the knowledge that time itself cannot come back. We don’t control it. A very tough pill to swallow.

If there is one good thing about the passage of time, it’s that we can look back and identify where the wrong turns were and when they happened. From that knowledge, perhaps wisdom is gained and that is valuable. Like most of us, I wish I’d known then what I know now.

So, what can we do now to step up to the plate and discern whether to take our best swing, or hold up? There are reasons we don’t swing at every pitch. Some pitches are simply bad. But if it’s fear, we shouldn’t let that factor into our strategy. Fear of failure, in and of itself, is never a good enough reason to decline to follow God’s leading. Sometimes fear is good; if it warns of danger, we’d be wise to heed it. But if the fear we feel is really about poor self-worth, or coming up short when we compare ourselves to others, that’s the time to remind ourselves that everything we are called to do in Jesus’ name and for His Kingdom’s purpose goes out into the world and does not return empty, but accomplishes all it was sent to do. That includes my writings, and yours. Or your songs as you lift your voice for all of heaven and earth to hear, or your paintings, or the meals you prepare and serve to your family or those in need. It’s for those with a calling to heal…each day doctors, nurses, and other health professionals care for the sick and needy, sacrificing time with their own loved ones in order to care for others. It’s true for mothers and fathers and teachers who nurture their little ones (or someone else’s) and help them grow into the fullness of the men and women God created them to be.

We all have a calling. Some of us more than one. Let us not be afraid to embrace “what we know that we know that we know!” True, there are times when we need to ponder and consider our gifts and talents and think about the best use of our time and resources. But if that has all been settled, then it’s time to trust that Jesus has perfect confidence in us, even if we have none of our own. It’s time we trust that His word is true, and not allow fear and procrastination to take hold of us for hours, weeks, years, or even decades. He promises that when His word goes out from His mouth, “it shall not return void, but accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11)

I am guilty of procrastination; the time-wasting, years-passing, let-others-make-decisions-for-me kind of procrastination. It’s soul-killing. Because that thing for which all of us are created, born to do, is hard-wired into the depths of our being. I’m writing in process here…sorting out my thoughts at the same time I put them down in words. And I’m learning that living other people’s dreams doesn’t work. We all have a calling on our life. Not just “special” people. You are special. God-given gifts are not just for Billy Graham. They aren’t only for world renown artists or famous authors. All of us have something to give and a legacy to leave. I have something; and you have something. But it’s been my experience, and perhaps yours, as I’ve walked life’s roads, I’ve allowed others to dictate my gifts. I’ve given them permission to lead me where they would have me go, spend time the way they’d have me spend it, and serve gods they would rather I serve than the God of Heaven who bestowed and established His gifts in me when I was created. And that is wrong.

Everything we are we owe to Jesus, our Creator. If someone didn’t create us, they don’t get to define us. Only Jesus has that right. He is good. He is love. And He is deserving of our praise by way of us giving glory back to Him when we use our God-given gifts for loving and serving others. Let us not cower in fear of the opinions of man, but instead bravely step out and speak up and spend our days becoming all Jesus means for us to be.