When He Whispers

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head and, no matter what you do to make it stop, it just plays over and over and over again?

That happened to me today.

However, this song was different. It was comforting to have it resounding over and over in my head. Perhaps, it was by design. A gentle reminder of where I belong and to Whom I belong.

Albert Brumley wrote this song in 1936 so it may be a little out-dated and a little old-fashioned but it still carries so much truth and amazing comfort. And it’s still one of my very favorites.

I had an appointment this morning and the only route there took me by a landmark that instantly reminds me of a few of my ex-husband’s life choices. I usually try to avert my eyes to avoid seeing it but, more often than not, the apprehension starts before I even get there. Just as it did this morning.

As the landmark started creeping into view, this comforting song came to mind, as if from no where, and began crowding out the apprehension in my heart. The closer I got to the monument representing sorrowful memories of my past, the louder this anthem rang. It was then I realized it didn’t just come from no where. It was by design. Just as He always does, my Faithful and True had gone before me and prepared the way so as I reached the place where grief usually overwhelms me, glory took its place!

This world is not my home,

I’m just a-passin’ through,

My treasures are laid up,

Somewhere beyond the blue,

The angels beckon me,

From heaven’s open door,

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.

Who am I that the Eternal God of the Universe was already there, waiting, just to whisper this song over me, just to ensure I would drive over 50 yards of familiar pavement, without grief engulfing me?

Such love I have never known in this life.

It relentlessly pursues me.

This unconditional, amazing, abundant love of Jesus.

It overwhelms me.

I am completely undone.

Living in this world, we will experience situations that will hurt us. Sometimes, deeply. Whether the pain is caused by a choice of our own making, by the choice of someone else, or even something completely out of our control, in this world, we will have trouble. Jesus even warned us about it. His words are found in John 16:33.

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” ~ John 16:33 AMP

I’ve driven by that landmark in the next town too many times to count and why God chose to whisper to me in that moment, confirmed several things. First and foremost, He very clearly wanted to remind me that this world is not my home and the painful situations that happen to me as I journey here, are temporal. This world belongs to the enemy of my soul, I am a stranger living here for just a brief moment in time, to do the work He’s called me to do, and, when that’s complete, He’ll call me home. I also know He’s preparing me for the next step in this journey and He doesn’t want my past overshadowing my future. He wants me to be courageous as I drive by that particular piece of real estate and know beyond doubt that what He cut from my life, He did because He loves me. He alone knew what would’ve happened had I stayed in that abusive marriage. He alone knew the plans for my future didn’t include a man who didn’t honor nor respect the woman He created me to be. He also knew, the heartache and grief experienced during that time, would be momentary and would not, could not, compare to what He has waiting for me.

He whispered all of that into my heart with just seven short lines of a very old song that brought with them not only revelation, but peace and love beyond comprehension.

However, that beautiful moment was not the first time God has whispered to me through music. He does it quite often. I’ve been blessed to have been part of quite a few church choirs and on several praise teams so there’s music written on my heart forever. But, I truly believe, the sweetest songs He brings to the forefront of my mind are the older ones I’ve stored away and have either forgotten or haven’t thought of in a very long time. Just like the precious one above.

A few months ago, God reminded me of a song I had first sung, sometime back in 1988, at our church in Alaska. I recall the music minister had been encouraging me to be a soloist. I really didn’t think I had a solo-type voice. (I hadn’t sung by myself since 7th grade when, during a choir concert, my voice cracked right in the middle of a one line solo and all the boys on the back row laughed out loud at me. It was one of the most humiliating moments of junior high. From that moment on, I told myself I’d never sing another solo again. But God had different plans.) I told my music minister I would really pray about it and even went as far as to actually drive to the Jesus store (what my kids have always called the christian bookstore) and look for a song to start working on. Long story short, I not only sang that song, I became a regular on the “special music” rotation.

All of that, to say this.

It’s the songs I sang in church, all those years ago, when my kids were little, that God is giving back to me now. However, they have taken on a very different meaning. Back then, they were worshipful songs that brought encouragement with every measure. But now, I’ve actually experienced and have lived through some of the very things I sang about. Songs of trial and triumph, grief and grace, healing and hope.

So far…it’s been so good, so far…through all the joys and scars…You’ve won the battles in my heart…

I long for what You have in store…another open door…should I stay here…or look for more?

(Chorus) So far You’ve brought me…so far You’ve taught me… so far, that everything I need, You are…

And now another road to take…another choice to make…I can’t believe we’ve come…So Far.

They say the fight has just begun…and yet the battle’s won by trusting in Your only Son…

You know the plans You have for me…I’m trying to believe but my eyes can only see so far…

~ Repeat Chorus

As I was preparing to sing this song thirty-two years ago, God knew I’d be right where I am today. He knew I’d need the beautiful words to this song during this season to remind me just how far we’ve come together since my entire world crashed down around me. Healing from an abusive relationship has been the hardest battle of my life thus far. Little did I know back then, He was preparing me for this very battle and knew I’d have to trust Him to carry me through it. He gave me this precious song, thirty-two years ago, so He could whisper the words back to me now.

And once again, I am completely undone by how much He loves me. Gentle reminders, whispered quietly to my heart, to bring comfort and peace in a season of hurt and healing, just because He loves me.

A few days ago, another beautiful song was whispered back into my memory. I don’t know the writer nor do I know how long ago it was written but when the words started appearing on the sheet music in my mind and each note found it’s proper place in the score, complete revelation welled up within my heart. It was as if this song, I had sung so many years ago, had been prophetic at the time but I didn’t have a clue. Until now.

For so long I wondered how, I could serve Your Holy name. For so long I contemplated but always ended up the same. Waiting for a sign to point me to the person I should be. Oh, I tried to be somebody else, when You only wanted me,

(Chorus) Faithful today.  I can’t live for tomorrow. If I worry about the future, I may never get that far. Faithful today.  And that’s how I’ll serve You, Jesus. I pray I’ll be faithful today.

Funny how I seem to be in a hurry on my own. Tell me how can there be harvest, when nothin’ has been sown? Oh, the ministry I’ve learned is have a willing heart. It is not a destination. It is simply where You are.

~ Repeat Chorus

I always wanted to be a hero for You, Lord. I thought if that’s what I could be, then You’d think more of me. But now, I’ve finally seen beyond myself to what You’ve really called me to. To be thankful, Lord, for the little things is the most that I can do. These things I’ll do for You!

For so many years, I tried to be someone I wasn’t. For so many years, I tried to live up to someone else’s perception of who I should be. For so many years, I secretly worried about my future but kept telling myself I was crazy for worrying then tried to look and sound confident on the outside. For so many years, I knew I was called to do so much more than what I was doing but felt as if something or someone held me back. For so many years, I was hurried and busy doing all the things but felt I was accomplishing absolutely nothing.

It was like I had this huge garden I toiled in every single day. I watered and waited and watched but nothing good ever grew. Every season, I did the same thing. I watered and waited and watched but nothing good ever grew. I did the same routine, year after year, but nothing good ever grew.

Until one day, I walked out into my garden to sow the seed I’d been given to plant, and actually looked at what had been placed in my hand.

The seed I’d been sowing in my garden, year after year, was someone else’s superficial and selfish vision of who and what I should be. The seed I’d been sowing in my garden, year after year, was someone else’s agenda, someone else’s desires, and someone else’s overinflated ego. My garden was full of useless weeds, tangled up vines, and unruly branches that bore nothing of worth. All my toil had been in vain. I had nothing to show for all the wasted years. I counted it all as loss.

But then my Father, the Gardener, came into the garden and started cutting back the useless weeds and the tangled up vines, and the unruly branches that bore nothing of worth. It was quick but it was not painless. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I begged Him to let some portion of them stay because they weren’t all bad. Some of the branches seemed to give my garden a little bit of character, even though they were more dead than alive. As He continued His work, all He said was, “Trust Me. If I leave even one, you will never be free.”

All I could do was stand by and watch as the Gardener continued to remove everything that had consumed my garden. Tears stung my eyes and poured down my cheeks as if to somehow bring relief to my anguished heart as it felt every cut, every rip, and every pull.

Once the Gardener had finished with His cutting and pruning, He whispered to open my eyes, and turned me towards my garden. I was so afraid to look because it had been such a mess and I had wasted so much time and so much effort. What could possibly be left that was worth anything at all? I had sown nothing but chaff for years.

When I finally opened my eyes, I saw them.

Right in the middle of my garden, was a group of very beautiful and, quite obviously, very strong flowers. To have survived in the midst of all that was going on around them, they had to be.

In my haste to sow the seed forcibly placed in my hand, I didn’t realize that, at some point, I had sown those flowers in my garden as well. They grew right there, every single year, among the useless weeds, the tangled up vines, and the unruly branches and they had thrived in the Gardener’s Light.

“They’ve been there the whole time,” the Gardener whispered. “Since removing the useless weeds, the tangled up vines, and the unruly branches from your view, you are free to watch your garden thrive and grow for many years to come. My Beloved Daughter, welcome to your harvest.”

“I am the True Vine, and My Father is the Gardener. He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes so that it will bear even more fruitful.” ~ John 15:1-2 NIV

This season has been a step-by-step journey with Jesus through life at its worst and at its best. While it may be difficult to understand how two opposite emotions can be experienced at the very same time, let me assure you, they can.

Even though rejected, I never felt more loved.

Even though betrayed, I never felt more devotion.

Even though abused, I never felt more favored.

Even though ridiculed, I never felt more approved.

Even though I was experiencing the deepest grief my heart has ever known, underneath it all, there was tangible contentment. I felt more grounded than ever before, and there was quiet strength being born within me.

And through it all, my kids have been with me, every step of this journey. It’s been a painful season for them as well and yet, all three are still thriving, in the Gardener’s Light.

I am thankful for songs, sung many years ago, that have come full circle in my life.

I am thankful for my Faithful Gardener, who cuts off and removes things from my life He knows will be painful to lose but brings something beautiful to grow in its place.

I am thankful for my Faithful and True Father, who brings peace, comfort, and relentless, unconditional love to my heart.

When He whispers.