Have you ever allowed fear to control you?
Fear is a very powerful emotion. It causes panic and impulsive decisions. It usually strikes when we least expect it and comes with a rush of adrenaline that makes us want to run for our lives.
Ever experienced that?
If you answered in the affirmative, you’re definitely not alone. I, too, can raise my hand in agreement.
While fear is a very powerful emotion, it does not come from God. The words “fear not” are used 365 times in the Bible. Do you think it’s the desire of God’s heart that His children not live in fear? I would say it’s pretty obvious.
1 Kings 18 & 19, tell the story of Elijah, a mighty prophet of God, who allowed one woman’s threat to make him run in fear for his life. God had just used Elijah to slaughter 450 false prophets of Baal and 400 false prophets of Asherah by calling down fire from heaven. The King’s wife, Jezebel, was angry and vowed to kill Elijah as he had killed her false prophets. When this word reached Elijah, he allowed one thought from his enemy to control his next move.
“Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.”
~ 1 Kings 19:3-5 NIV
Elijah was afraid, worn out, frustrated, and wanted to give up. He actually asked God to let him die right then and there.
Ever been there? Have you ever been so tried of waiting or weary from grief, heartache, or bad news that you just wanted it to end? I know I have. Elijah was no different. He was every bit a human just like us. And he was weary.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.”
~ 1 Kings 19:6-9 NIV
Now, I’ve never been awakened from a nap by the touch of an angel, that I know of, nor has bread and water appeared on my nightstand (which is completely possible) but I understand and relate to Elijah’s feelings.
I fought long and hard for my marriage. I spent countless hours on my knees in prayer for my former spouse and nothing ever changed. I went out of my way to do things to make him happy and, quite often, in ways that made me feel ashamed. All of it a desperate attempt to make him love me. At one time, I had even convinced him to go to counseling, thinking it would heal whatever it was I couldn’t accomplish on my own. It was all in vain. He went to one session and quit.
And yet, I continued to fight. I was so convinced there was something I hadn’t tried or some magic words I hadn’t said to win him back. It wasn’t until he looked me in the eye and said, “I’m not willing”, did I accept defeat. It was then I realized it didn’t matter what I had done or what I was doing, I couldn’t make him choose me.
I was heartbroken, scared, frustrated, and voiced my disappointment to God, just as Elijah did. Why did I have to spend all those years fighting for a man and a marriage that was doomed from the beginning? What was the point? I was weary, exhausted, and wanted to lay down and die.
Then God took me into the wilderness. The following conversation God had with Elijah, reminds me of a few God has had with me.
And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”
The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.” ~ 1 Kings 19:10-13 NIV
Often times, we expect God to do this huge, dramatic gesture in our lives because He’s God, right? Or we wait for Him to severely punish us for being weak or for questioning why something heart-wrenching happened to us, or for having a pity party. But God meets us right in the middle of where we are. And, I have found, He doesn’t ever shout. He comes in a whisper.
Oh, how the quiet presence of my Father is accompanied by this amazing power to take possession of my heart all over again! How many times have I expected God to chastise me over some impulsive decision I made out of fear or when I dared voice my discouragement to Him and yet, He completely captivates me, once again.
When Elijah heard God’s voice, it got his attention. While the wind, the earthquake, and the fire did not make Elijah cover his face, the still small voice of God did. He covered his face in reverence. Then God asked the question a second time.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” ~ 1 Kings 19:14-15 NIV
Once again, Elijah answered God truthfully.
God already knows everything we feel and He knows what we’re thinking. It’s not a surprise to Him. He asks us questions, like the one He posed to Elijah, to get us to acknowledge where we are and how we feel. It’s not to make Him privy to our private thoughts. God knows our thoughts, both private and spoken. He already knows the answer. He asks us questions to get us thinking so we can admit where we are.
Elijah reminded God of all he’d done in His name and yet, nothing changed. After all the wonders God performed through him, the children of Israel still rejected God’s covenant and tore down all he’d accomplished to the glory of God. And, to top it all off, his very life had been threatened.
I, like Elijah, struggled when things didn’t go the way I thought they should. After all I’d done to make things work, I was still betrayed and rejected. I, like Elijah, felt alone and that no one else cared about what happened to me. I, like Elijah, was frustrated because I did not have the ability to make my ex choose me or the things of God. And, even though my situation was vastly different than Elijah’s, the principal is the same.
In and of ourselves, we are weak and need the power of God to be our strength. What’s more, we do not have the capability of choosing God for others. No matter how much we desire it for them. The choice is completely individual.
What God said next may surprise you.
The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came,”
~ 1 King 19:15a NIV
God told Elijah he had to go back to what he’d run away from.
Wait. What?
Didn’t God know what had happened? Didn’t God know that Jezebel had threatened to take his life? Didn’t God realize how scared Elijah was?
The answer to all those questions is yes. God knew all about it. God knows everything. But God wasn’t finished with him yet. Elijah still had work to do. God reminded him of those he’d left behind. Those who still needed his care and attention.
“…I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.” ~ 1 Kings 19:18 NIV
There was a remnant in Israel who had not bowed the knee to the false god, Baal. There was a remnant in Israel who needed Elijah’s anointing and leadership. Elijah had allowed fear to control his decisions. But after spending time alone with God in the wilderness, he went back to the remnant he’d left behind and God continued to use him in mighty ways.
Like Elijah, there were many times I let fear control me. Like Elijah, there were many times I wanted to give up because I was tired of the fight. And, just like Elijah, God told me I had to go back.
Wait. What?
Didn’t God know all I had been through? Didn’t God see all the times I spent on my knees in prayer for him? Didn’t God know how scared I was of the unknown?
The answer, once again, is yes. But God told me I had to embrace the unknown and walk through the season in front of me.
Go back the way you came, Jenny. I am not finished with you yet. You still have work to do. Your kids and your grandkids need you. They need your love and your strength and you need them. You need each other. The road ahead will not be easy. There will be many things you don’t understand. There will be lots of tears and many sleepless nights. There will be times you’ll want to give up but, in those moments, know it’s then that I carry you. I have set you aside. You are never alone. Keep your eyes on Me.
God always has a plan. Problems ensue when we take our eyes off Him and try to do things our own way. I had a lot of plans on how to save my marriage and every one of them failed. I was seeing the problem, as well as the fix for it, from my own perspective which made me desperate and clinging to false hope. I did that for a very long time and was completely miserable.
As far back as I can remember, I had a deep rooted fear of abandonment. There were countless times I mentioned to my ex that he could never leave me; that I’d be lost without him; that I could never live without him. I was so afraid of losing the only life I’d known, I was determined to fight no matter what it took.
It wasn’t until I realized God had been working in the unknown for many years to bring me to that exact place. God saw actions and heard conversations I was not privy to. God knew the lifestyle my ex was living behind my back. God knew the true motive of his heart. God knew his agenda. But God had a plan for my life that did not include him and once God brought the darkness into the Light, the choice was easy.
It was then I surrendered to unfathomable grief. It was then I surrendered to the unknown future ahead of me.
Our God is so absolutely amazing in how He whispers to our deepest hurts and our deepest fears, then with one touch, He unlocks the answer to something we’ve struggled with for so long.
And the choice becomes easy.
Once I completely surrendered my heart to allow God to do whatever He needed to do, I no longer feared being abandoned. I no longer feared being alone. God gave me everything I needed.
Purpose in the pain.
Freedom in the fight.
Courage in the crisis.
Shelter in the storm.
Grace in the grief.
Beauty in the battle.
Light in the loneliness.
Triumph in the tears.
Restoration in the rejection.
Mercy in the middle.
Peace in the process.
While this journey with Jesus has been the most painful of my life thus far, I can honestly testify, it has also been the most rewarding and one I cherish with all my heart.
“In face of all this, what is there left to say? If God is for us, who can be against us? He that did not hesitate to spare his own Son but gave Him up for us all. Can we not trust such a God to give us, with Him, everything else that we can need?
Who would dare to accuse us, whom God has chosen? The Judge Himself has declared us free from sin. Who is in a position to condemn? Only Christ, and Christ died for us, Christ rose for us, Christ reigns in power for us, Christ prays for us!
Can anything separate us from the love of Christ? Can trouble, pain or persecution? Can lack of clothes and food, danger to life and limb, the threat of force of arms?
I have become absolutely convinced that neither death nor life, neither messenger of Heaven nor monarch of earth, neither what happens today nor what may happen tomorrow, neither a power from on high nor a power from below, nor anything else in God’s whole world has any power to separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ our Lord!
~ Romans 8:31-39 Phillips NT
These beautiful words by the Apostle Paul were penned with such conviction and truth! Can you feel his emotion?
If Almighty God, the Maker of heaven and earth, is on our side, who can be against us? Who can stand toe-to-toe with the God of the Universe and think they’re going to win? We are His children. He fights for us. I can tell you one thing, nothing makes me more defensive than when someone attacks my kids. The mama bear comes out in me and I will get between them and whatever is coming against them. Whether it be physical or spiritual. And, if you have children, I know you feel the same. If we feel that way about our kids, how much more do you think God feels that way about us?
“Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will [instead] give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will [instead] give him a snake? If you then, evil (sinful by nature) as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give what is good and advantageous to those who keep on asking Him.”
Matthew 7:9-11 AMP
What’s more, God loved us so much that He gave His Only Son to be our sacrifice so we could have a personal relationship with Him. That is love unlike anything I’ve ever known and it absolutely slays me. To think God loves me that much is overwhelming. And He loves you that much, too.
Overcoming fear in our lives may not happen overnight. For me, it was a process that took many years. And, yes, fear still tries to creep into my mind from time to time. But when it does, I have learned to turn my eyes to the One who conquered it. Sometimes, it happens immediately. Sometimes, it’s a moment by moment surrender.
Picture, if you will, a horse with blinders placed around its eyes. Blinders are placed around the eyes to keep them from being distracted with all that is going on around them. The blinders keep them focused on what is directly ahead.
Now, I do not think God would have us be ignorant to what is going on around us. Quite the contrary. I believe He wants us to be aware so we can pray and war against the enemy in the Spirit. But a horse wearing blinders is what came to my mind when I thought of keeping my eyes focused on Jesus. Even in the midst of all that is going on in our lives and in this world, He wants our eyes focused on Him. The enemy will do his best to distract us with all kinds of things that will keep us from the goal God has for our lives. Trust me, the enemy uses things as small as the memory of a past offense or a past failure to get our minds completely off what God is trying to teach us or what He wants to birth into our lives. God wants us to be aware of our enemy and his schemes yet place “Godly blinders”, if you will, around our eyes so we’re not distracted with things from our past that could keep us from walking confidently into all that God has planned for us ahead.
“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
~ Philippians 4:13b-14 NIV
As His children, God has a plan for each of our lives and He longs for us to seek Him so He can lead us, step by step, into our purpose. However, He did create us with a free will to choose. His word promises He will keep those in perfect peace whose mind is steadfast (fixed) on Him. Therein lies the choice. The enemy is constantly going to do everything he can to keep us distracted from anything having to do with God. But if we choose to keep our eyes on Jesus, no matter what this evil world throws at us, we’ll come out on the other side of the fight, victorious; no matter what form that victory may take. Victory can look quite different to each one of us.
There are those who may look at me and my story and not consider divorce a victory. While infidelity and divorce are absolutely NOT the road I thought my life would take, those things have molded me into the person I am today. What the enemy meant for evil and something he attempted to destroy me with, God has completely turned it around and has used it for good. (Genesis 50:20)
I have more peace than I’ve ever known, I no longer fear the future, and I’m no longer controlled by a man who wanted nothing more than for me to be his slave. Jesus rescued me from the snare of an abuser and I am safely held in His loving arms and that to me is victory.
Glorious, sweet victory.
I am so thankful for God’s word. I am thankful He anointed men to write story after story of ordinary people, just like us, who struggled with the same issues we struggle with. There’s story after story of those who dealt with rejection, betrayal, grief, pain, and destruction just as we do. God didn’t even spare His own Son, Jesus, from experiencing ALL of these things. And do you know why God allowed His Son to experience those things? So He could relate to us. So He would experience and be well acquainted with the exact things we deal with in our own lives. That is love beyond what my finite mind can fathom.
Jesus has been there.
Jesus knows.
That’s why He implores us to follow Him.
That’s why He encourages us on our journey through this life.
That’s why He tells us, with all the love in His heart…
“Keep your eyes on Me.”
