Author name: Jennifer

A Different Direction

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Have you ever taken a detour? In December of 2019, my son and I were driving home from Destin, Florida after having spent Christmas there as a family. It’s a pretty long drive back to Alabama and when traffic comes to a complete halt, it’s easy to get frustrated and irritable sitting there, especially when you’re tired and just want to get home. After sitting still for what seemed like hours (I’m sure it had only been minutes), I noticed several cars passing to the right of me. I mentioned to my son those must be getting off the Interstate at the next exit to detour around what had brought us to a standstill. Having said that, I eased over into the right lane then proceeded to follow the rest of the cars to the next exit. My son was upset and wanted me to stay on the Interstate and just wait it out. However, I knew something he did not. I had programmed our home address into the GPS before leaving Florida. Even though we were back in Alabama and knew the way home from where we’d been stopped, I left it on just in case something like this happened. I had been in similar situations before and I knew the GPS would eventually re-route us back onto the right path to get us home. My son doesn’t like sudden changes from the known path and he very clearly voiced his fear with my choice of doing so. After listening to him protest for several minutes, I turned to him and said, “I understand your fear and know you don’t like last minute change but you’re going to have to trust me. I know what I’m doing and we’ll be okay. God will see us safely home.” Sudden or unexpected change can rock your world. If you’re a planner, you like your plan and know exactly how everything needs to go in order for that plan to work out. I know that to be true because I was the same way. I had a plan. Once. As a little girl, I used to play dress up in my mom’s clothes. Most of the time, I pretended to be a beautiful princess locked up in a castle, waiting for the handsome knight on a white horse to come rescue me. He would face the enemy holding me captive and once my foe was defeated, my handsome knight would come to the tower, sweep me up into his arms, and carry me away to live happily ever after. As I grew older, reality took the place of the knight and instead, I dreamed of a Christian man who just wanted to share life with me. One who cherished me. It’s all I ever wanted. I never dreamed of having a career or making lots of money. I only wanted to be married and have kids. That was my plan. Turns out, my plan for the long term didn’t exactly match God’s. His was quite different from mine. He was privy to details I knew nothing about. And, much like my son’s fearful protests about my detour off the Interstate, I spouted a few fearful protests when the life I’d known for three decades, suddenly took a detour of its own. But after listening to my protests, the Father whispered to me and said, “I understand your fear and know you don’t like last minute change but you’re going to have to trust Me. I know what I’m doing and you’ll be okay. I will see you safely home.” As I sit here reflecting back on the past three years, I’ve come to realize that what I thought was a sudden, last minute change, clearly was not. God had been preparing me, as well as covering me, for a very long time, even though I wasn’t aware of it. It seemed very sudden when it happened but, had I seen it from God’s perspective, I would’ve known He had been working on my behalf for years and everything had just fallen into place. When our lives detour from the path we thought we were on, it can be scary. Let’s face it. It can be earth shattering and sometimes, even heart-wrenching. When we realize the life plan we’d dreamed of and, perhaps even carefully thought out, suddenly ends, it’s difficult to come to terms with. Then the never-ending questions come and the heart-wrenching struggle to wrap your mind around what just happened, ensues. God created all of us with a free will to choose our own path in life. When you’re married, surely you believe the path you and your spouse are walking together will go in the same direction. But, unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. I do not believe God made me suffer the pain of infidelity and divorce. It was the end result of my former spouse’s life choices. I know God knew it would happen and He knew it would be a devastating loss in my life but I also know, He allowed it to happen because He loves me. Yes, you read that right. I didn’t understand it at the time but I see it all so clearly now. God is the Alpha and the Omega. He’s the beginning and the end. He sees the beginning and the end and everything that happens in between. He is Jehovah-El Roi, the God who sees. We never know what will be birthed from the situations and seasons that bring with them intense suffering, but that is when we have to keep our eyes on our Father and trust His heart. We must have faith. “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” ~ Hebrews 11:1 ESV This means no matter what we can see with our physical eyes, we believe and know God is at work in the unknown and will keep His word and His promises. We either trust Him

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To Encourage You ~ Psalm 91

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I woke up this morning with Psalm 91 on my heart. Such beautiful words penned by David of how God is our Refuge and Fortress. When I think of a fortress, I picture a city or a town with a big wall built around it to keep those within, from being attacked by the enemy without. I’ve lived on several military installations over the years and built around every single one is a wall to keep those within safe from all who are not allowed to be there. That’s exactly what our God is to us as His children. He is our Fortress. He puts a wall of protection around us, if you will, and He is not susceptible to outside influence or disturbance! He is our Defender and Protector! We can run to Him and hide and He will faithfully shelter us. That brings such comfort to my heart this day! With all the evil being exposed in our country and around the world, I am comforted by the promise of Almighty God that He will shelter and protect us from harm. He is in control and He sees and knows all! He will not allow the wicked to go unpunished but He also has His own timing. His ways are not our ways nor are His thoughts our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9) We have to trust Him. We must have faith. “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 NASB “And without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him.” ~ Hebrews 11:6 NASB My prayer this day is that you’ll be encouraged and know that you know that you know Almighty God is in control. He is “our Refuge and our Strength; a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 May these words from Psalm 91, bring you comfort and strength this day. “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.” For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place, the Most High who is my refuge, no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the adder, the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot. “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows My name. When he calls to Me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation.” ~ Psalm 91 ESV

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“Keep Your Eyes on Me”

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Have you ever allowed fear to control you? Fear is a very powerful emotion. It causes panic and impulsive decisions. It usually strikes when we least expect it and comes with a rush of adrenaline that makes us want to run for our lives. Ever experienced that? If you answered in the affirmative, you’re definitely not alone. I, too, can raise my hand in agreement. While fear is a very powerful emotion, it does not come from God. The words “fear not” are used 365 times in the Bible. Do you think it’s the desire of God’s heart that His children not live in fear? I would say it’s pretty obvious. 1 Kings 18 & 19, tell the story of Elijah, a mighty prophet of God, who allowed one woman’s threat to make him run in fear for his life. God had just used Elijah to slaughter 450 false prophets of Baal and 400 false prophets of Asherah by calling down fire from heaven. The King’s wife, Jezebel, was angry and vowed to kill Elijah as he had killed her false prophets. When this word reached Elijah, he allowed one thought from his enemy to control his next move. “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.” ~ 1 Kings 19:3-5 NIV Elijah was afraid, worn out, frustrated, and wanted to give up. He actually asked God to let him die right then and there. Ever been there? Have you ever been so tried of waiting or weary from grief, heartache, or bad news that you just wanted it to end? I know I have. Elijah was no different. He was every bit a human just like us. And he was weary. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.” ~ 1 Kings 19:6-9 NIV Now, I’ve never been awakened from a nap by the touch of an angel, that I know of, nor has bread and water appeared on my nightstand (which is completely possible) but I understand and relate to Elijah’s feelings. I fought long and hard for my marriage. I spent countless hours on my knees in prayer for my former spouse and nothing ever changed. I went out of my way to do things to make him happy and, quite often, in ways that made me feel ashamed.  All of it a desperate attempt to make him love me. At one time, I had even convinced him to go to counseling, thinking it would heal whatever it was I couldn’t accomplish on my own. It was all in vain. He went to one session and quit. And yet, I continued to fight. I was so convinced there was something I hadn’t tried or some magic words I hadn’t said to win him back. It wasn’t until he looked me in the eye and said, “I’m not willing”, did I accept defeat. It was then I realized it didn’t matter what I had done or what I was doing, I couldn’t make him choose me. I was heartbroken, scared, frustrated, and voiced my disappointment to God, just as Elijah did. Why did I have to spend all those years fighting for a man and a marriage that was doomed from the beginning? What was the point? I was weary, exhausted, and wanted to lay down and die. Then God took me into the wilderness. The following conversation God had with Elijah, reminds me of a few God has had with me. And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.”  ~ 1 Kings 19:10-13 NIV  Often times, we expect God to do this huge, dramatic gesture in our lives because He’s God, right? Or we wait for Him to severely punish us for being weak or for questioning why something heart-wrenching happened to us, or for having a pity party. But God meets us right in the middle of where we are. And, I have found, He doesn’t ever shout. He comes in a whisper. Oh, how the quiet presence of my Father is accompanied by this amazing power to take possession of my heart all over again!  How many times have I expected God to chastise me over some impulsive decision I made out of fear or when I dared voice my discouragement to Him and yet, He completely captivates me,

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When He Whispers

2 Comments / Comfort, Encouragement, Harvest, Hope, Relationship / /

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head and, no matter what you do to make it stop, it just plays over and over and over again? That happened to me today. However, this song was different. It was comforting to have it resounding over and over in my head. Perhaps, it was by design. A gentle reminder of where I belong and to Whom I belong. Albert Brumley wrote this song in 1936 so it may be a little out-dated and a little old-fashioned but it still carries so much truth and amazing comfort. And it’s still one of my very favorites. I had an appointment this morning and the only route there took me by a landmark that instantly reminds me of a few of my ex-husband’s life choices. I usually try to avert my eyes to avoid seeing it but, more often than not, the apprehension starts before I even get there. Just as it did this morning. As the landmark started creeping into view, this comforting song came to mind, as if from no where, and began crowding out the apprehension in my heart. The closer I got to the monument representing sorrowful memories of my past, the louder this anthem rang. It was then I realized it didn’t just come from no where. It was by design. Just as He always does, my Faithful and True had gone before me and prepared the way so as I reached the place where grief usually overwhelms me, glory took its place! This world is not my home, I’m just a-passin’ through, My treasures are laid up, Somewhere beyond the blue, The angels beckon me, From heaven’s open door, And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore. Who am I that the Eternal God of the Universe was already there, waiting, just to whisper this song over me, just to ensure I would drive over 50 yards of familiar pavement, without grief engulfing me? Such love I have never known in this life. It relentlessly pursues me. This unconditional, amazing, abundant love of Jesus. It overwhelms me. I am completely undone. Living in this world, we will experience situations that will hurt us. Sometimes, deeply. Whether the pain is caused by a choice of our own making, by the choice of someone else, or even something completely out of our control, in this world, we will have trouble. Jesus even warned us about it. His words are found in John 16:33. “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” ~ John 16:33 AMP I’ve driven by that landmark in the next town too many times to count and why God chose to whisper to me in that moment, confirmed several things. First and foremost, He very clearly wanted to remind me that this world is not my home and the painful situations that happen to me as I journey here, are temporal. This world belongs to the enemy of my soul, I am a stranger living here for just a brief moment in time, to do the work He’s called me to do, and, when that’s complete, He’ll call me home. I also know He’s preparing me for the next step in this journey and He doesn’t want my past overshadowing my future. He wants me to be courageous as I drive by that particular piece of real estate and know beyond doubt that what He cut from my life, He did because He loves me. He alone knew what would’ve happened had I stayed in that abusive marriage. He alone knew the plans for my future didn’t include a man who didn’t honor nor respect the woman He created me to be. He also knew, the heartache and grief experienced during that time, would be momentary and would not, could not, compare to what He has waiting for me. He whispered all of that into my heart with just seven short lines of a very old song that brought with them not only revelation, but peace and love beyond comprehension. However, that beautiful moment was not the first time God has whispered to me through music. He does it quite often. I’ve been blessed to have been part of quite a few church choirs and on several praise teams so there’s music written on my heart forever. But, I truly believe, the sweetest songs He brings to the forefront of my mind are the older ones I’ve stored away and have either forgotten or haven’t thought of in a very long time. Just like the precious one above. A few months ago, God reminded me of a song I had first sung, sometime back in 1988, at our church in Alaska. I recall the music minister had been encouraging me to be a soloist. I really didn’t think I had a solo-type voice. (I hadn’t sung by myself since 7th grade when, during a choir concert, my voice cracked right in the middle of a one line solo and all the boys on the back row laughed out loud at me. It was one of the most humiliating moments of junior high. From that moment on, I told myself I’d never sing another solo again. But God had different plans.) I told my music minister I would really pray about it and even went as far as to actually drive to the Jesus store (what my kids have always called the christian bookstore) and look for a song to start working on. Long story short, I not only sang that song, I became a regular on the “special music” rotation. All of that, to say this. It’s the songs I sang in church, all those years ago, when my kids were little, that God is giving back to me now. However, they have taken on a very

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The First of Many

4 Comments / Encouragement, Healing, Hope, Peace / /

“Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies [dedicating all of yourselves, set apart] as a living sacrifice, holy and well-pleasing to God, which is your rational (logical, intelligent) act of worship.  And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on Godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].” ~ Romans 12:1&2 AMP Have you ever been stuck in a pattern of thought or worry that you knew was not healthy nor productive yet you just couldn’t seem to break free from it? God’s word tells us not to be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our mind. For a very long time, I didn’t completely understand what that meant and worse yet, had no idea how to do it even if I had understood its meaning. Healing from grief and heartache is a process. Choices are made, whether by us or by others, that effect our lives and ultimately, our minds. The actions of others may hurt or wound us in the moment but in the aftermath, our minds take over. Sometimes we accept denial as a defense mechanism against the pain or, as was my case, believe the lies the enemy plants and then plummet into depression. Either way, we are imprisoned. God tells us to stop imitating the pattern and ideals of this world then choose to allow the Holy Spirit to change our thoughts from the inside out. In other words, stop letting the world dictate how we think and how we act and instead, allow the Holy Spirit to completely reform our thinking with the intent of setting it back on the right path. The path of truth. God’s truth. Oh, how I hunger for more and more of God’s truth in my life! With that being said, the past three years have been filled with many “firsts” for me. Unexpected events that have caught me by surprise. Changes in my personal life, as well as the recent events in the the world, have effected the environment in me and around me. I always love being in my home because it’s my safe place away from the world but it’s the first time I’ve ever been quarantined and confined to it for 3 months straight. It’s the first time I’ve ever been separated from my kids and grandkids, knowing I couldn’t just get in my car and go see them whenever I wanted to. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt panic hang in the air like a fog. It’s the first time I’ve seen people with masks over their face, yet see such fear in their eyes. It’s the first time I’ve flown on an airplane that wasn’t filled to capacity. It’s the first time I’ve attended a wedding celebration where the bride and groom were told they were limited to the number of guests they could invite. It’s the first time I’ve ever experienced the uneasy feeling of realizing how quickly our freedom to choose could be taken away. It’s the first time I’d ever experienced the entire world changing at the same time. And it was isolating. So many firsts. So much change in such a short period of time. I have felt stuck. Stuck in a place out of my control and way out of my comfort zone. So many unknowns. So many questions. With no answers. Have you ever felt that way? The world, as a whole, is stuck. Imprisoned, if you will, and it grieves my heart. The world needs hope. The world needs healing. The world needs Jesus. With everything that’s happening all around us today, it’s growing more and more difficult to keep our minds focused on anything positive or hopeful. The news is so full of contradiction and we can’t believe what is being broadcast over the airwaves or posted on social media. So, what are we to believe? What is the truth? Better yet, where do we go to find the truth? In times past, my initial reaction to something unexpected happening in my life would’ve been to worry first then talk to God but only after realizing that worrying about situations out of my control doesn’t help. But now, whenever I have questions about anything that is happening in this world or in my life, I talk to God about it, first. God has shown me so many things about who He is and how much He cares about the things we care about. I am so thankful He’s never caught off-guard and is never surprised by the events that touch our lives. There’s a very special scripture the Spirit whispers to my heart whenever my mind starts to focus and dwell on things happening around me. It’s found in the New Testament book of Philippians and it says the following. “Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].  The things which you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things [in daily life], and the God [who is the source] of peace and well-being will be with you.” ~ Philippians 4:8&9 AMP Such beautiful words that sound easy enough to do, right? However, these beautiful words come with a choice. A condition. A change in our thought pattern. Keep your thoughts continually fixed. That is the choice. We must choose to think on the authentic and real; the honorable and admirable; the beautiful

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Are We There Yet?

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Are we there yet? If you’ve traveled with kids, I’m almost sure you’ve heard this question resonating from the back seat! No family vacation would be complete without your kids asking this question at least five or six times! Kids just don’t understand or comprehend that sometimes, it takes awhile to get where you’re going. You can’t just snap your fingers or wiggle your nose and magically be at your destination. I have found this question isn’t just exclusive to kids.  I have lost count of how many times I have asked this very question. Are we there yet, Jesus? We live in a fast paced world. We want faster cars, faster internet, faster results, and even faster food. If we send a text message and a reply isn’t returned within 10 seconds, we’re either sending another text or calling, all the while thinking the worst. It seems we want it all right now and have no patience if now doesn’t happen fast enough. There have been times in my life I’ve been guilty of wanting God to be the same way. I’ve actually made my plans, asked Him to bless them, then basically told Him to get on board with my agenda. I know that sounds crazy but, if we’re honest with ourselves, we all do it. We may not verbalize it but God knows. He sees the intent of our heart. He knows what we’re going to think before we think it. We want to get over the heartache and the pain now. But God has His own time table. He holds eternity in His almighty hands. He has a perfect plan for our lives and He knows just the exact time it needs to happen. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV He has a much bigger plan than our finite minds can conceive. Even in our frustration and impatience for Him to do something now, He extends His mercy and grace to us because of His incredible, unfathomable love. He sees us. Right in the middle of our mess; right in the middle of all our unanswered questions. I ask You, my Jesus, to forgive my frustration. My impatience; my short sightedness. My inability to see Your precious hand in the middle of my chaos; in the middle of this mess that is going on inside my heart. I am so weak. I only see with human eyes sometimes and not the bigger picture You have planned and should feel in my heart. Sometimes the day to day trials and struggles really weigh on me. And it feels as if evil is winning and that I am all alone in my struggle to process this season. And yet, I know I am not. Your amazing word is full of promises that are in there just for me. But sometimes, I forget that You expect action on my part as well. “You will keep in perfect peace whose mind is fixed on You.” (Isaiah 26:3) I realize my mind hasn’t been fixed so much on You lately as it’s been on my circumstances. This promise comes with a choice. My choice to keep my mind fixed (focused) on You. Forgive me for not making the right choice. From this moment, Jesus, I surrender this season to You…yet again. I may have to do it again until we are on the other side of this pain but I know You are with me each step I take. Even when You have to carry me…like now. Thank You for how You love me! Approve of me and call me Your own. I love how God loves me! Even when I’m whining like a little child! He knows just how to speak to my heart to get my attention and let me know that He’s always there. Whether it’s to bring me a word of comfort or a word of discipline. Are we there yet, Jesus? “My precious Jenny, You don’t understand. Sometimes, it takes awhile to get where we’re going”. —————————————- The above was originally written on August 4, 2019; 2 years and 11 months ago. I’m not really sure why I didn’t publish it at that time. I don’t remember the exact reason. My only guess is I didn’t feel led to. Whatever His reasoning at the time, I trust that now is right. Perhaps He had more to teach me before He allowed me to share it with you. We aren’t privy to the reasons why God wants us to wait for His timing nor do we know the plans He has for our lives. He alone knows them. (Jeremiah 29:11) We sense the direction He wants us to go and, in faith, we step out and trust Him for the next step. Well, that’s the goal anyway. If we’re being honest with ourselves, most of us want to take control and run ahead of God and try to fix things in our own way. I’ll be the first one to raise my hand and say that I am guilty of that very thing. I have tried to control people and situations and have utterly failed at fixing anything. In fact, more often than not, I made more of a mess than had I let God take the lead. And, what’s worse? I always end up in the exact same place I started. I learned some hard lessons that way but I love how God’s word always points me back in the right direction. The truth written on its pages makes me see how I need to let God be in control and that I obediently follow. His word is life and breath to me. But it hasn’t always been this way. The children of Israel wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years because they were too impatient to wait on God’s timing. They wanted to be in control and live according to their own

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Finding Jenny

2 Comments / Healing, Hope, Relationship / /

I could’ve never foreseen it happening. Who would? It’s certainly not something dreams are made of. It completely caught me off guard. I should’ve been more prepared. After all, the signs were certainly there. Perhaps I didn’t want to accept it. Perhaps it meant I’d failed. But then, I wonder, how do you prepare yourself for heart-wrenching pain? How do you prepare your mind to wrap itself around something so grievous? But You were not caught unawares. You knew it would happen. You saw it before I was even born. I’m sure it weighed heavy on Your heart. As it would any loving Father. You watched me grow up, knowing the pain and heartache that was ahead for me. But yet, You saw the other side. You saw the lessons I’d learn. You saw the battles I’d win in Your name, even though the enemy fought hard against me. Born a month late, with a heart murmur, the doctor said I wouldn’t make it to my six-week check up. He was wrong. By the time I’d reached that milestone, the hole in my heart had healed. It was You. There were two years of wild, midnight rides to the hospital ER. Held within my momma’s arms, as she watched my face turn deeper shades of blue, and my daddy running every red light and stop sign, praying he’d make it in time. I know they were terrified. As any parent would be, feeling helpless, rushing their small child to find a doctor to aid in getting oxygen to fill my lungs so my face would return to its natural color. It’s a miracle I don’t have brain damage. I remember the time the window above the bathtub came crashing down on me and my oldest sister. Had I been sitting in any other spot in the tub, the glass would’ve cut through my jugular vein and I probably wouldn’t have made it to the hospital. But You were there. You either moved me or the falling window to protect my life. Again. When I started to elementary school, I was a small, frail child. I didn’t weigh much more than a minute, as some would say. I recall a period of time when I wasn’t able to keep any food down. It didn’t matter what I ate. Within minutes, it would come back up. I was losing weight every day. I don’t remember being told what caused it. I don’t know if I just grew out of it or if You healed me. I like to believe it was the latter. Once again, Your hand on my life. Eventually, all of the sickness I’d suffered as a young child seemed to be over but reflecting back on it now, the enemy had lost that battle but was preparing for war. As an elementary school girl, my days were spent catching salamanders in the creek, climbing trees, building forts, making mud pies, and splashing in puddles after a spring rain. The country always smelled so fresh after a good rain and it, mixed with the smoke from my Pappy’s fire stove, made for precious memories I still carry in my heart. You and I both know I wasn’t popular in junior high or high school, nor did I care to be. There were some who made fun of me for not having the latest fashion trends or for wearing clothes my mom had made for me. I did have a few friends I spent time with who accepted me for who I was. But they were like me, outcasts…but that didn’t matter to me either. I was just different. I had different values and didn’t care if those around agreed with me or not. You were an outcast, too, so I considered myself in great company. The beat of my heart was You. Still is. All I ever wanted was to please You. Still do. I was fairly quiet, for the most part. I do not recall being a loud person nor did I ever desire to be the center of attention. I was a loner; a thinker. However, the beliefs I held within my heart were deep ones and knew if I were ever to be challenged on them, I’d fight. It was 1981. I was a Senior in high school. I had two classes that were required for me to pass in order to graduate. One was a science class, that focused on evolution and the other, some type of Social Studies course about lifestyles. Knowing I had to pass these in order to receive my diploma was a little disconcerting, as even just the names of these courses stirred something within me. Somehow, I knew I would have to take a stand in each of them. I recall sitting through that science class, disagreeing with everything the teacher was saying about how the world came into being. At first, it made me angry that You were completely disregarded and were never acknowledged as Creator. I knew the truth but clearly, all the teacher was concerned with was getting through the lecture and distributing the assignment. After class, I remember approaching his desk and challenging him on his lecture. He told me I wouldn’t pass unless I participated and turned in my homework. It was then I felt You stirring something within me, then You impressed something on my heart. I went to class, listened to him speak untruth, and I did turn in my homework. However, before each answered question, I wrote this, “The book says the following…”and, from time to time, the margins were filled with scripture. My teacher never mentioned anything to me about it but I had shared truth. You enabled me to take a stand, I wrote Your truth in the margins of my assignment, and I passed. The Social Studies class was a different experience all together. It wasn’t unusual to watch videos or documentaries on controversial subjects. The premise of the

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Infused With Power

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Hope / /

It is what it is. Have you ever heard this expression? It is what it is. Things are what they are. Some situations or life choices are out of our control so just accept life as it comes and drive on. You can’t change what’s done so get over it. This was how I used to define this expression. However, these five small words, seemingly insignificant on their own, took on a whole new meaning after hearing my pastor preach a sermon on them. Our view of life in this fallen world is very limited. We only know what’s happened in the past so we do our best to learn from the mistakes we’ve made and celebrate the victories won. We plan for the future the best we can but have no idea what tomorrow holds. “We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God’s hands.” ~ Proverbs 16:1 TLB When I was a teenager, I committed this verse to memory from the translation of the Living Bible. Its meaning couldn’t be more clear. I imagine that’s why it’s my favorite translation. While it’s wise to plan for the future, I know that my steps are ordered and directed by God. So, I make my plans then allow God to reveal His plan as He sees fit, then I trust Him to walk me into it. Sounds easy, right? Not quite. When I built my home a few years ago, I visited the construction site almost every day. I watched as it transformed from a vacant, muddy lot to a concrete foundation with walls to separate the rooms that would become my place of safety and protection from the outside world. Once the walls were in place, I watched as the electricians pulled wire throughout the entire structure to enable me to have power in each room. After the power was in place, insulation was put in over the wires for protection, then sheetrock over the insulation and finally, the walls were ready to be painted. It was quite a process. It took about four months from start to finish and I enjoyed watching each step in the process. This home had all I needed to get through everyday life. As all of you, I am quarantined during this shelter-in-place we now finds ourselves in. I’m quite sure I can say, with 100% accuracy, that none of us planned for this to happen. Who would plan for something as horrible as a pandemic to invade our lives as it has? While it wasn’t in our plan, God knew it was coming. While I do not understand all that is happening nor do I know why, one thing is sure. God is still on His throne and He’s still in control. I believe that with every ounce of my being. Over the past few days, I have realized that time has become very messed up. I’m sure most of you have realized this as well. In my normal routine, I would be at work from 9 to 5. However, since being quarantined, my days seem to run together. It’s hard to keep track of what day it is. But as long as I work the 40 hours required of me, all is well. However, nothing is set. Nothing is planned. And, very honestly, it has rocked my world a little. Since the divorce, the routine I have established over the past few years, has enabled me to focus on healing and recovering from the abuse I endured for a very long time. Having a specific place to be each day for a certain amount of hours, helped me deal with the grief I had to feel in order to be healed. It also distracted me from it for a bit. And it was going very well. Since the shelter-in-place mandate was put into place, I have been out of that routine. The first few weeks were nice because it gave me a break from having to get dressed up each morning as well as not having to fight morning rush traffic on my commute to the office. Now, it takes me no time to get ready for work. I get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, throw on some comfy clothes, then sit down to my computer, with coffee in hand, and get started on my day. While all of that sounds great and I can do my job from the comfort of my own home, I see a huge error in this new way of doing things. Where is Jesus in all of that? Before the quarantine, I would listen to praise and worship music on my drive into work or I’d listen to a sermon on YouTube. It was special time with Jesus every morning and I looked forward to it. Since being at home, that part of my daily routine has suffered. When life gets interrupted with the unexpected, the enemy loves nothing more than seeing God’s kids distracted so he can redirect our focus onto the troubles of what is going on around us. Which, in return, takes our focus off what God is doing in us. I awoke this morning feeling very down and, for lack of a better word, disconnected. So, after putting the coffee onto brew, I turned toward the living room window and noticed the dogwood tree I planted last year, was budding back to life. I was afraid it had died during our last frost but not so. I quickly found my shoes so I could go out and get a closer look. As I stood there, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I heard the Spirit whisper, “I make all things new. Just like your heart.”  The dogwood tree didn’t die. It was just in its normal routine of being dormant in the winter. God was at work in the unknown to bring it back to life, just as He does every Spring. I walked back

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Getting to the Root

Leave a Comment / Healing, Hope, Revelation / /

I mowed my yard today. Now that Spring is here once again, my weekend chore of mowing the lawn is upon me and let me assure you, it is a chore. I have never enjoyed yard work. Never. I’ve always loved having a beautiful lawn but didn’t realize, until I had my own home, how much work actually goes into maintaining it. The actual grass hasn’t started growing yet. It is still dormant from the winter months. So, what did I spend my time mowing down? Weeds! Weeds in abundance! If a beautiful lawn were judged on how many weeds could be accumulated per square inch of grass, I would’ve won yard of the month! The construction of my home began the end of 2017 and was completed in March of 2018. I’m not sure about other parts of the country but builders in Alabama always use sod for the yards. When the sod was first put down, it was beautiful, and I don’t recall having too much trouble with weeds that first year. There was one small sticker bush on the far side of the lawn. It was pretty small so I just mowed over it and didn’t give it much thought after that. From a distance, the yard looked pretty good. The next weekend, it was time to mow again and, once again, there was that sticker. So, once again, I mowed over it. This scenario went on for the entire summer. When the grass finally went dormant and stopped growing, I was thankful for the break. When Spring of 2019 rolled around, it was back to my weekend chore of mowing the grass. And guess what had popped up through the ground before anything else? Yep! The same sticker bush I’d mowed over and over the Spring before. Only it wasn’t so small anymore. It was twice as big. So, this time instead of just mowing over it and calling it good, I used my weed eater and cut it down before I mowed. I cut it down pretty deep so I wouldn’t have to deal with it every weekend. For the rest of the summer, that sticker never popped back up through the ground. I guess cutting it deep down with the weed eater did the trick. Well, Spring has sprung once again and I knew all last week, if the rain held off over the weekend, I needed to mow. The weeds were getting pretty tall and looked horrible. I woke up to a beautiful blue sky so, after worshipping online with my church family, I went out to make my yard more presentable to the neighborhood. I edged with the weed eater first. I have a small tree in my front yard and knew I’d need to weed eat around the base of it because the lawn mower can’t get close enough. As I was making my way around the base of the tree, I looked over to my left and there was that sticker bush! Not only was it back, it was back with a vengeance! And it had tripled in size! My first thought was to just cut it down again with the weed eater but then I realized my mistake the previous season. I had left the root! I had cut the sticker bush back but I left the root intact! That would not happen this time. I cut away most of the bush with the weed eater to expose the root. I then went to the garage and got my shovel. I dug down deep around that root and cut it out! There is now a hole on the side of my yard but the sticker bush is gone! Later, as I was mowing down the rest of the weeds, the Holy Spirit started speaking to my heart. Just like my yard, my life gets infested with weeds and sticker bushes. The enemy wants nothing more than to see my life disrupted with things that keep me distracted and discouraged. And, just like my yard, when left unattended, those things grow. If I don’t take those disruptions seriously or just hope they’ll go away, they’re sure to come back and, almost always, with a vengeance. That’s what happened in my marriage. When I first started sensing something was wrong, I didn’t want to face it because how would I handle it if it were true? I was afraid to know the truth. The Holy Spirit kept showing me little things that were wrong but I was having a difficult time wrapping my mind around them. When I would approach my former spouse and ask about these things God was revealing, he’d tell me they weren’t true and that I was imagining them. And because my heart wanted to believe him, it did. That went on for about four years. Believing him and accepting that I was just imagining things, made everything seem better, for a little while. But something was most definitely wrong. We didn’t talk much but his resentment towards me seemed to be growing. I didn’t know what I had done to deserve the resentment he projected towards me but it was there. When his affair and second family were finally revealed, it was the most grievous event I’d ever faced. But, even through the pain of it all, I truly thought we’d be able to work it all out then God would miraculously heal our marriage and we’d be better than ever. I was wrong. Just as the sticker bush in my yard had tripled in size, the problems in my marriage had done the same. The only way to fix it for good, and for healing to take place, was to get to the root and cut it out. And that’s exactly what God did. My marriage was like a sticker bush around my heart. It had taken over completely and was well on its way to devouring me. It had taken over with a

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For Such a Time as This

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Hope, Relationship / /

“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.” ~ Psalm 61:2 Have you ever been at the top of a mountain and looked out over the valley below? Most views from that vantage point are absolutely breathtaking, aren’t they? When I lived in Alaska, I would marvel at the grandeur of God’s creation. There were beautiful, snow covered mountains all around me. I never grew weary of looking at them. I was in complete awe when I’d think all of that majestic beauty was spoken into existence. God said the words and the mountains appeared. Nothing is impossible for Him. Absolutely nothing. Yet, even as I gazed upon and marveled at those breathtaking views God placed on the earth, my heart was overwhelmed when I realized the mountains weren’t what God considered His greatest creation. Nor did He consider the oceans or the finest detail of the solar system that spins above us as His greatest work. While all of those things are good and shout the magnificence of our amazing God, they still don’t even come close to His greatest creation. And what would that be, you ask? It’s a very easy question to answer. God’s greatest creation is US! You and me! When God created the heavens and the earth, He said it was good. When He created us, He said it was very good. He didn’t use those two words for anything else on earth except for us. We are very good. I’ve been thinking about that for the past few weeks as our world has been turned upside down over an airborne enemy that we cannot see. I have never experienced anything like this before and I would guess, you haven’t either. Our world has come to a stand-still seemingly overnight. I am not downplaying the seriousness of our situation whatsoever. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. What is happening in our world is very serious and we should take every precaution to protect ourselves and those we love. But, now more than ever, we should be turning our eyes heavenward and running to the Rock that is higher than we are. God has an amazing vantage point. He sees us. He sees our situation. He knows what is happening. None of this is a surprise to Him. He knew it would happen before the foundation of the world. He knew you’d be right where you are, at this very moment, caught up in an unknown situation, without a lot of answers. And it’s in moments exactly like this, He is closer to us than ever. I know that may not make logical sense but I know that I know that I know it’s true! I have lived it. It’s my testimony. When my former spouse walked out on me two plus years ago, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. Where would I live? Where would I work? How would I pay bills? I was caught up in an unknown situation, without a lot of answers. I had a choice to make. Do I run from God or do I run to God? I am thankful to say I chose the latter. I knew my situation was not a surprise to Him. He knew it would happen before the foundation of the world. Did He want me to be crushed and feel unfathomable grief? I do not believe He did. However, did He allow it to happen so He could show me Who He is and what He could do with a life situation that crushed me to my very soul? That’s an easy answer as well. Yes, He did. I didn’t see it then but I clearly see it now. If He hadn’t allowed all of those events to take place in my life back then, I would not be who I am now. I would not be at peace. I would not be free from abuse. I would not have this amazing ministry I share with my best friend. I would not have you to encourage or to lift up in whatever situation you’re faced with. But, most of all, I wouldn’t know who God truly is and how very much He loves me. He allowed all of that grief and pain to touch my life because He loves me. I didn’t understand that two years ago but I understand it now. God loves us so much that He sent His one and only Son into this crazy, sinful world to become one of us. He was fully God and fully man at the same time. He experienced every single thing we experience in this life yet He was without sin. The writer of Hebrews penned it best this way: “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”  ~ Hebrews 14:15 & 16 NASB The high priest mentioned in this scripture is Jesus! He is our High Priest. And I am in absolute awe how the second part is phrased. Let us draw near with confidence to God’s throne of grace!  Do you know what that means? It means we can come before God boldly because of what Jesus has done for us. Not boldly in a prideful way but humbly and confidently that He will hear us and listen when we call on Him. Jesus’ sacrificial death and His resurrection 3 days later, enables us to have a personal relationship with God the Father and He wants to hear us. He wants to know we want Him, we need Him, and cannot get through this life without Him! I know I couldn’t. In this time when fear is rampant and we’re facing a situation we

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