Relationship

I could’ve never foreseen it happening. Who would? It’s certainly not something dreams are made of. It completely caught me off guard. I should’ve been more prepared. After all, the signs were certainly there. Perhaps I didn’t want to accept it. Perhaps it meant I’d failed. But then, I wonder, how do you prepare yourself for heart-wrenching pain? How do you prepare your mind to wrap itself around something so grievous? But You were not caught unawares. You knew it would happen. You saw it before I was even born. I’m sure it weighed heavy on Your heart. As it would any loving Father. You watched me grow up, knowing the pain and heartache that was ahead for me. But yet, You saw the other side. You saw the lessons I’d learn. You saw the battles I’d win in Your name, even though the enemy fought hard against me. Born a month late, with a heart murmur, the doctor said I wouldn’t make it to my six-week check up. He was wrong. By the time I’d reached that milestone, the hole in my heart had healed. It was You. There were two years of wild, midnight rides to the hospital ER. Held within my momma’s arms, as she watched my face turn deeper shades of blue, and my daddy running every red light and stop sign, praying he’d make it in time. I know they were terrified. As any parent would be, feeling helpless, rushing their small child to find a doctor to aid in getting oxygen to fill my lungs so my face would return to its natural color. It’s a miracle I don’t have brain damage. I remember the time the window above the bathtub came crashing down on me and my oldest sister. Had I been sitting in any other spot in the tub, the glass would’ve cut through my jugular vein and I probably wouldn’t have made it to the hospital. But You were there. You either moved me or the falling window to protect my life. Again. When I started to elementary school, I was a small, frail child. I didn’t weigh much more than a minute, as some would say. I recall a period of time when I wasn’t able to keep any food down. It didn’t matter what I ate. Within minutes, it would come back up. I was losing weight every day. I don’t remember being told what caused it. I don’t know if I just grew out of it or if You healed me. I like to believe it was the latter. Once again, Your hand on my life. Eventually, all of the sickness I’d suffered as a young child seemed to be over but reflecting back on it now, the enemy had lost that battle but was preparing for war. As an elementary school girl, my days were spent catching salamanders in the creek, climbing trees, building forts, making mud pies, and splashing in puddles after a spring rain. The country always smelled so fresh after a good rain and it, mixed with the smoke from my Pappy’s fire stove, made for precious memories I still carry in my heart. You and I both know I wasn’t popular in junior high or high school, nor did I care to be. There were some who made fun of me for not having the latest fashion trends or for wearing clothes my mom had made for me. I did have a few friends I spent time with who accepted me for who I was. But they were like me, outcasts…but that didn’t matter to me either. I was just different. I had different values and didn’t care if those around agreed with me or not. You were an outcast, too, so I considered myself in great company. The beat of my heart was You. Still is. All I ever wanted was to please You. Still do. I was fairly quiet, for the most part. I do not recall being a loud person nor did I ever desire to be the center of attention. I was a loner; a thinker. However, the beliefs I held within my heart were deep ones and knew if I were ever to be challenged on them, I’d fight. It was 1981. I was a Senior in high school. I had two classes that were required for me to pass in order to graduate. One was a science class, that focused on evolution and the other, some type of Social Studies course about lifestyles. Knowing I had to pass these in order to receive my diploma was a little disconcerting, as even just the names of these courses stirred something within me. Somehow, I knew I would have to take a stand in each of them. I recall sitting through that science class, disagreeing with everything the teacher was saying about how the world came into being. At first, it made me angry that You were completely disregarded and were never acknowledged as Creator. I knew the truth but clearly, all the teacher was concerned with was getting through the lecture and distributing the assignment. After class, I remember approaching his desk and challenging him on his lecture. He told me I wouldn’t pass unless I participated and turned in my homework. It was then I felt You stirring something within me, then You impressed something on my heart. I went to class, listened to him speak untruth, and I did turn in my homework. However, before each answered question, I wrote this, “The book says the following…”and, from time to time, the margins were filled with scripture. My teacher never mentioned anything to me about it but I had shared truth. You enabled me to take a stand, I wrote Your truth in the margins of my assignment, and I passed. The Social Studies class was a different experience all together. It wasn’t unusual to watch videos or documentaries on controversial subjects. The premise of the