Have you ever had your car detailed? I have only had it done once, a very long time ago, but I was surprised at how everything that was chrome glistened and there didn’t seem to be a speck of dust anywhere. The only thing I noticed that was missing was the new car smell! (Why can’t they put that in the details?) I wanted it to stay that way forever but alas, it did not because you know, life happens! Before too much time had passed, my car was, once again, back to the way it had been before.
Just as the person who worked on my car ensured that he didn’t leave one detail from missing the end of his cleaning instrument, God is that way with you and me. He wants to ensure He doesn’t leave one detail out so He can lead us on to our purpose but, alas, we tend to go back to wanting to be in control of our own lives…and before too much time has passed, we go back to the way we had been before.
I do it all the time…and this past week was no exception.
God is in the details.
There is a tradition at some churches to choose a word for the year to act as a theme for what you want to focus on in the new year. For 2018, the year immediately following my divorce, I chose the word forward. It was truly the desire of my heart to move forward and leave all the pain and grief behind me. I was absolutely amazed at how God used that word to lead me into my new normal. I saw and heard that word everywhere! My daughter even made this picture for me to hang in my new house as a reminder of God’s provision and faithfulness. He constantly reminded me that He was leading me forward and had a specific and detailed plan for my life. 2018 was definitely the hardest year of my life, thus far, yet even in the times I felt like I’d taken a few steps back due to pain or grief, there was an Unseen Hand leading me forward.
God is in the details.
The word I chose for 2019 is Content. I made the choice to be content with all God has provided and to live within my means. I accumulated a lot of debt in the year following my divorce and, I will admit, some was of my own making. Retail therapy is not a wise choice when you’re grieving but it’s what I turned to, trying to relieve the agony I was feeling. (Side note: it. did. not. work. I was still in pain and had accumulated a bunch of stuff that, while it made my new home and yard look beautiful, I was left with credit card bills to pay.) The rest of it came as a result of my son’s college expenses (student loans), medical expenses, dental expenses, and, unfortunately, a huge tax bill. Unexpected things that you can’t really prepare for. Things that come up as you live life.
In March of this year, I received word (through my kids) that their dad had lost his job. Up to this point, he had been paying alimony as part of our divorce settlement. Even though I had grown to depend on that income, my instincts kept telling me that it wouldn’t last long. Deep in my heart, I knew he would find some way to stop supporting me. I don’t know if it was the Holy Spirit forewarning me about it or if I just know my ex that well…perhaps it was a little of both. Once the alimony stopped, I actually felt peace. Yes…you read that word correctly. I experienced unexplainable peace. It was one of those “God things” that doesn’t quite make sense to our finite minds yet was very tangible. I was actually relieved. I no longer had anything keeping me tied to him. That, in and of itself, was freeing!
Since that time, God has been showing me what it means to live day to day being content with Him being my Provision. He absolutely knows the debt I have. He absolutely knows whether or not my ex “lost his job” or if he just found another way to hurt me.
It didn’t take long for the enemy to start messing with my peace. He cannot read our minds but he’s very observant and hears the words we speak aloud. After a few months of struggling with the debt load, I started listening to the enemy. As a result, I became angry that my ex seemed to be “winning”. So, I took matters into my own hands. I did not pray about it. I did not ask God what I should do. I just wanted my way. I wanted answers and I wanted them now. (Just being real and raw here.) I contacted my attorney to see if anything could be done about him not supporting me in some monetary way, since he signed a legally binding document. But, ya know what? I hit road blocks at every turn. In my anger and frustration, I cried out to God about all the injustices my ex was inflicting on me.
Why, God? It isn’t fair that he’s getting everything he wanted! He just cast me aside and walked away so he could have his new life with his girlfriend! Why should he be allowed to get by with not supporting me with whatever income he has? I supported him for years and what thanks do I get?
I was angry and I wanted God to know it.
In my heart, I already knew He knew it but I am grateful He loves me so much that He allowed me to vent. He allowed me to whine. He allowed me to be angry and frustrated. After He patiently waited for me finish my temper-tantrum, and I was sitting on the floor in a puddle of tears, I heard Him speak softly to my heart…
“My precious child…oh, how I love you. I am here and I know. I know what you have been through. I know what he did and what he is currently doing but you need not concern yourself with him. I removed you from him for a purpose and I have a specific plan for you. I do not want you to rely on him anymore. I want you to rely on Me. I am your Provision. I would not have led you to where you are or allowed these things to touch your life without a plan in place. I would not allow these events to touch your life and leave you alone. You do not understand these things now but, in time, you will. Trust Me to take care of you and be your Provision.”
God is in the details.
Now, I cannot say I haven’t had doubts since that day because I’m human and I falter. I cannot say seeing my budget written out on paper doesn’t make me nervous because the numbers end up in the red. But I can tell you this. There’s always enough.
God is in the details.
This past week, the enemy was at it again. This time, he put thoughts in my head that I was in big trouble financially. Thinking back on it now, that argument shouldn’t have made sense to me because nothing had changed since God spoke so gently into my heart. However, in my human-ness, I listened. Big mistake! I got out my checkbook and started going over and over the numbers in there and every time, ended up with not having enough to cover everything. Then the thoughts started flooding my mind…
You might as well just throw in the towel and file bankruptcy. You’re never going to be able to pay all these bills off with your small salary. You’ve overextended yourself and you’re a failure. You’ve made a mess and you’ll never recover. You need to call a bankruptcy attorney and get some advice”.
On and on and on until I was in such a state that I started making little mistakes at work which caused me to have to go back and redo what I had just done which led to so much frustration I wanted to crawl under my desk and hide.
I drove home from work and went to bed early. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and just wanted the day to end. As is my custom, I found sermons on YouTube to listen to as I drifted off to sleep. It didn’t even matter which sermons. I just needed Jesus. I laid down, closed my eyes, and let God’s word wash over my weary mind.
God is in the details.
I woke up several times that night. It seemed much more than usual. Each time I awoke, I heard words being preached on provision.
Hmmmmmm…
God is in the details.
When I woke up in the morning, the first words I heard were.
“God’s already working out what you’re worried about!”
The videos on that YouTube stream usually autoplay completely at random. But there was nothing random about the stream that played that night and into the morning. Some of the sermons were from several months ago yet every single one spoke of provision, faith, and even doubt, failure, and frustration in the process. I know that God orchestrated and detailed that video play list just for me because when I woke up that morning, the feeling of weariness that I had gone to bed with, was completely gone!
Oh, Praise You, Jesus!!
I walked into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, then went to turn on my computer. My utility bill is due next week so I pulled up my expense spreadsheet to check on the date. Then I scrolled to the bottom to see the balance. I have $178 in my checking account right now. My utility bill is $177.99!!
God is in the details!!
I don’t have another bill due until the 14th and I have $.01 in my checking account. Am I worried?
Not. One. Bit!
You know why?
God is in the details!
I have always been a planner and not having a plan is quite unnatural for me but God is teaching me to be content. Not to plan. Not to stress. Not to worry. He is teaching me to be content with His provision and with His timing. God is eternal. He holds time.
God is in the details.
It doesn’t matter what you’re facing today. God wants to be in every single detail. He wants to show you that He’s there and that He’s more than enough to meet every need you could ever possibly have. Our situations can’t end in failure or frustration because God has promised us His grace for everything we face in this life.
“My grace is enough for you: for where there is weakness, My power is shown the more completely.”
~ 2 Corinthians 12:10 (Phillips NT)
We are weak. We are finite. We will get frustrated and we will fail from time to time. But here’s what I know beyond any doubt. God knows ALL of that about us and loves us anyway!
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. ~ Jeremiah 31:3
God absolutely and completely loves us! He wants to be in the details in every area of our lives. It doesn’t matter what it is. But it’s up to us. We can choose, just as I did, to listen to the enemy of our souls whose only intent is to see us fail so he can get us to take our eyes off Jesus then laugh and accuse us before God. I’m sure he was doing quite a bit of that this past week on me. I’m sure my name came up once or twice in their conversation. The Bible says in Revelation 12:10 that the enemy is “the accuser of the brethren”. That’s us. God’s kids. The enemy knows he cannot touch our souls and can never snatch us away from God but he can and will and does speak fear, doubt, and anger into our minds. Why does he do this? Because he hates God’s kids. He knows he’s already lost in the end but he gets a kick out of watching us fail and make mistakes. He’s like a bullying child on the playground who wants to knock us down and laugh at our expense then run up to God to tattle and accuse us of choosing the wrong thing.
Then God our Father, picks us up, draws us close, and holds us in His ever loving, strong arms and says…
“It’s okay, my precious child. I know the intent of your heart. I know you have doubts. I know you have fears. I know you made the wrong choice this time but you’ll get there. I have a plan and a purpose for your life and I’ll walk with you, hand-in-hand and side-by-side. I will never leave you. I will never let you down. Just keep your eyes on Me because I am in the details.”
I am so thankful that God desires to be in the details of our lives. He knows every single thing, whether it be large or small, that we’re already dealing with in our day-to-day lives and He knows what’s in our future. It makes so much more sense that He be in control of all that since He’s already there. We have no idea what the next 10 minutes hold, much less tomorrow.
When I chose the word content for 2019, I had absolutely no idea how God would use it to mold my life, teach me how to rely on His provision, or how much it would come to mean to me. But He did. And do you know why?
Because God is in the details!