Have you ever felt stuck?
Stuck between what was and what is yet to be?
Have you ever had more questions than what are answered?
Have you ever had more doubt than trust? More struggles than victories? More loss than gain?
Have you ever felt for every step forward, you took three steps back?
Have you ever felt healed in some areas yet still grieve in others?
While I know I am exactly where God wants me to be, it doesn’t mean the questions don’t come…it doesn’t mean I don’t get discouraged from time to time…and, I’m very thankful, it doesn’t mean He he’s left me to handle all of this on my own.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
God knew, before the beginning of time, I would be exactly where I am. Right at this moment.
…feeling stuck…
…in the middle…
…with all these questions…
…with all these doubts…
…with all these struggles…
…and, at times, feeling loss instead of gain…
Is it what God wanted?
Perhaps not…yet, it happened.
Did He allow it?
Yes, I believe He did, with all my heart. Nothing touches my life that isn’t filtered through His hand first.
So, this is where I am. This is where I’m stuck. This is where I reside, at least, for the moment.
What do you do when the dream you once imagined dies?
What do you do when you were absolutely sure you chose the right person to vow your life to, only to be proven wrong in a matter of minutes?
What do you do when God reveals the man behind the mask?
What do you do when you feel your entire relationship was a lie?
What do you do when memories take you back to the person he let you see and not the person he truly is?
What do you do when you learn he didn’t love you and only married you to bear his children?
What do you do when you can’t wrap your mind around how you were deceived for years?
What do you do with regrets that cloud your thoughts and rob you of sleep?
What do you do when you can’t remember life before you were his?
What do you do when you feel you had no other choice but to put him before all else in your life? Before God? Before your kids? Before your family? Before your friends?
What do you do when you feel you have to pick a fight just to get him to notice you?
What do you do when you love so deeply yet he turns his back and runs to another?
What do you do?
Where do you go?
My favorite person in the Old Testament is David. David, the young shepherd boy who was anointed to be the King of Israel before he was even big enough to hold up a crown. David, the young shepherd boy who killed a bear and a lion with his bare hands. David, the young shepherd boy who faced a giant and killed him with one stone hurled from the end of his slingshot.
Now, you may be thinking that David must have had some kind of super power to be able to accomplish these amazing things. He didn’t. David was human…just like us. He had parents and seven older brothers so I’m quite sure he was picked on throughout his childhood from time to time. I’m sure he fussed and fought with his siblings on more than one occasion. He slept, he ate, he went to school, and he even had a job looking after the sheep. David was a normal guy who just happened to be chosen to rule over God’s people.
He was just like us.
He had victories and defeats. He made good decisions but also made some bad ones.
Just like us.
He laughed, he cried, he sang, he yelled, he prayed, he worried, he planned, he plotted, he dreamed, he despaired.
Just like us.
But there is something deeper about David that makes him special and absolutely endears him to me.
David was “a man after God’s own heart”. (1 Samuel 13:14)
It was the intent of his heart to live in such a way that honored God.
Not a super power. It was just a choice.
David was real.
David was raw.
David knew what to do and where to go, no matter how or what he was feeling.
There are 150 psalms recorded in the Bible and David is responsible for writing 75 of them. I am so thankful that his psalms (journal entries, if you will) were included in God’s Word. Here, we are privy to his private emotions. Here, we are privy to the words that overflowed from his heart to God. Whether happy or hurting. Rejoicing or lamenting.
“Hear my cry, O God; Listen to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to You, when my heart is overwhelmed and weak; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I [a rock that is too high to reach without Your help]. For You have been a shelter and a refuge for me; A strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.” ~ Psalms 61:1-4 (AMP)
David knew Who to take his heart-cries to. He called out to his Refuge; his Shelter. He asked God to lift him above the fray going on in his life because he couldn’t do it on his own. David needed God to lift him up.
Just like us.
When I am overwhelmed with life and have soul-searching, yet heart-wrenching, questions, I, like David, run to my Refuge; I run to my Shelter; I run to the Rock that is higher than I. God is the only One who can lift me above the fray to allow me to see things from His perspective. While I may not understand everything He is doing, I trust Him and that is enough.
He is enough.
I am so thankful that God sent His Holy Spirit to take up residence in our hearts. Just think of that for a moment. Close your eyes and allow that amazing revelation wash over you. The Spirit of Almighty God, the God of the Universe, dwells within us! In us. Imperfect beings that we are. I have been a believer for many years now but the fact that God wanted to have a relationship with me, still completely overwhelms me. David said it best when he penned this Psalm.
“The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, to guide and to shield me], I shall not want.
He lets me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still and quiet waters.
He refreshes and restores my soul (life);
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
for His name’s sake.Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You have anointed and refreshed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I shall dwell forever [throughout all my days] in the house and in the presence of the Lord.”~ Psalm 23 AMP
There have been so many times in this season that I have felt the very emotions David poured out in this Psalm. There have been times I have been in such awe of my heavenly Father that I have been at a loss for words! Emotions and revelations so deep and so incomprehensible there aren’t words in human speak to describe them. Have you ever been in a worship service and as the pastor is preaching, you feel as if he’s speaking directly to you? That, my dear friend, is the Holy Spirit imparting revelation into your soul! Revelation so intimate that all you can do sometimes, is feel it.
For the past month, I have been feeling a little restless; feeling as if the Spirit was about to bring something or do something in my life but there hasn’t been any clarity. I’ve been staying in an attitude of prayer and just waiting for whatever this restlessness is to be revealed.
I am in a season of transition.
God is taking me back to all these thoughts, feelings, experiences, and questions to rid me of them for good. All the restlessness I’ve been feeling, is the Holy Spirit cleansing my heart of the past. Cleansing me of the remnants left behind of my dream. The dream I had for my life. He is transitioning me from this current season and is about to take me into the next. He changed the outward direction of my life in a matter of moments but this cleansing, this transition, is completely different.
It’s a process.
God has been teaching me to stand. He’s been teaching me to stand when things are uncertain. When it doesn’t feel good. When I don’t have answers. He’s been teaching me to stand on what I know when I can’t trust what I see or what I feel.
God had to teach me to stand before He could teach me to walk!
What’s next?
Learning to walk into all that is ahead. No matter what it may be. No matter what twists or turns happen along the way.
I trust Him and that is enough.
He is enough.
So, what do you do when the dream you once imagined dies?
You stand. You wait. You trust. You believe.
You embrace the process. The transition.
And, in His time, He’ll teach you to walk.
He’ll lead you to where His dream lies.
And it will unfold.
Right before your very eyes!
