Author name: Jennifer

Whose I Am

Leave a Comment / Healing, Hope, Peace / /

I’m in a battle…for my mind. This past week has been a very difficult one. Although it was not visible on the outside, there was a battle raging within me. On the outside, I looked like I was doing okay but my mind was at odds. On one side, stood the things I know to be true about God and His promises. On the other, the lies and deception of the enemy. Six months ago, I took a break from Facebook. It had taken over my life. I was more concerned about who was doing what with who and for how long than I was about reading God’s word, listening to praise and worship music, or even caring for the home that God has blessed me with. It had become too much. So, I asked my kids to change my password and not tell me what they changed it to. At first, it was a little hard for me but as the days without it passed, I noticed how much more peaceful my life had become. I didn’t even miss it. (I want to say right here and now that I’m not against Facebook or saying it’s a bad thing. We have a page for this ministry and it’s an awesome way to communicate with friends and family. It had just become too overwhelming for me and my personal walk with Jesus. I felt I needed to take a step back and reevaluate my priorities.) When this ministry was launched last month, I knew I would have to be back on Facebook to share content from the website. At first, it was going well and I thought I could handle it. That was my first mistake…I thought. Little did I know, it was a set up. A set up by the enemy to get me to go back to my old habits. The enemy will use anything he can to take our eyes off God and His purpose for our lives. Even if it only works for a little while. He knew the reason for me being back on Facebook was for the ministry but he also knows my habits. He knew that once I logged back on, it was only a matter of time, before I’d, once again, be searching and obsessing over things I could do nothing about. Ohhhh, the enemy is subtle. Even though I think I know his tactics and how he works, I fell. I was back in the pit! Even though I had been posting scripture and blog posts on the ministry page, I was on my personal page as well, back to obsessing over people and situations that are completely beyond my control. The enemy did not make me fall back into the pit…it was 100% my choice. All he did was present the opportunity then waited for me to act. Because that’s what he does. He sets the trap then waits for his prey. God’s word warns us about this in 1 Peter 5:8… “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” ~ 1 Peter 5:8 ESV The sleepless nights had returned and, consequently, tossing and turning as well.  One particular night, as I was desperately waiting for sleep to find me, the Holy Spirit impressed on me to get my journal and write. As I got up to get my journal, I had no idea what to write about. I guess I could’ve started with I’m having a hard time sleeping tonight but God had a different word He wanted me to write down. This is what I heard Him speak into my heart. I will redeem what the enemy has stolen from you. So, I started out with those ten words. I was sure the Spirit was going to convict me over the Facebook fiasco but He didn’t. He just spoke His word into my heart. Fifteen pages later, I had written down everything God had reminded me of…of who I am…of Whose I am! God knew I was going to fall back into that pit. He knows my habits, too; just as the enemy does. But God has power over the enemy and what the enemy cannot do is read my thoughts. God knows my thoughts. He knows the intent of my heart. He knows that being back in that pit was not where I wanted to be. And instead of chastising me for my failure, He reminded me of Whose I am and Who He is! By reminding me that He is the Great I Am and I am His child, (which sets me free from the yoke of slavery the enemy wants me tangled up in) God reached down into my room that night, took me by the hand, and pulled me up out of the pit that was about to envelope me. It wasn’t dramatic. I didn’t hear anything except the still small voice of my Savior, speaking words of affirmation into my heart. Then He told me to lie down and go to sleep. And that, I did. It was the first time in a week I had laid down and drifted peacefully into rest. God knows what has broken my heart. God knows the events that have turned my life upside down. God knows that I’ve had no closure on a few things that were left undone. When I keep my mind focused on Him, peace remains. But when I allow the enemy to distract me, even for just a little while, the event that broke my heart and turned my world upside down, becomes more than I can handle. The enemy will use any means possible to stop the purpose of God in this world and His plans for my life. This time, he used Facebook as the catalyst against me. Facebook has a search engine that allows me to see things that cause excruciating pain. Both things I cannot change nor

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He Does It For Me

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Hope, Strength / /

Life is unpredictable. It can change at any given moment. One minute, you’re going about your day and everything in your world is good. Your family is good. Your job is good. Things could not be better. Then, the unexpected happens. You get a phone call giving you test results you wish you’d never heard. You read an email you wish you’d never read. You see a post on social media you wish you’d never seen. Life as you knew it, up to that point, dramatically changed and so did you. Although we never know what will happen in life at any given moment, there are some things that are steadfast and will never change. There are promises God has given us in His word that will remain. Precious gifts given to encourage and give us hope. Gifts this world, with all of its trials, can never take away. As I sit here, I am reminded of an incident that happened to me a few years ago. It was one of those unexpected things that life brings you once in a while. It was completely random and was not welcoming. My immediate reaction was frustration and anger. However, the Spirit lovingly convicted me of my attitude and gently reminded me that I had a choice to make. I could lash out in anger and possibly make things worse or I could listen and allow Him to give me words that, while getting my point across, would be received a little better. I’m so thankful my choice was to listen to the Spirit because the words He gave me, resulted in a good outcome. I was blessed with some closure that I had been praying about for over a year. Sometimes, there are moments with the Holy Spirit that can only be felt. Moments that happen so deep within your soul, mere words cannot adequately describe the emotion nor the magnitude in which they were received. You may be wondering why a loving God allows grievous and hurtful situations to touch our lives. Whenever I have questions about things I don’t understand, I go to His word. In the book of 2 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul tells of his struggle with something that God allowed to touch his life that he did not find welcoming. He pleaded with God to it take away…yet, it remained. “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ESV There have been countless times I’ve asked God to take the pain out of my heart left there by my divorce. There have been countless times I’ve asked Him to let me forget the feelings of rejection and betrayal. There have been countless times I’ve asked Him to remove memories on auto-play that only serve to remind me that he wasn’t the man I knew. And yet, they remain. Although I do not understand God’s ways, I trust Him completely. I have learned in my weakest, most vulnerable moments, I am strong because it is then His power can come through. I am not strong in and of myself but, when I allow His strength and His grace to carry me, I can get through anything…no matter what this life may bring. I don’t know the situations that have touched your life. I don’t know what you’re struggling with at this very moment. I don’t know who or what has caused grief to become part of who you are. But I do know this. I have been where you are. I am where you are. I understand. I get it. And you know what? So does Jesus. He’s been where you are. He understands. He gets it. He’s faithful. He’s constant. He’s a place you can hide. Ask Him to meet you right where you are. Right in the middle of your unpredictable-didn’t-see-it-coming-I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening situation. I promise you. He’ll be there. In the middle of your weakest moment. In the middle of unbearable pain. He’ll give you indescribable peace and His amazing strength will carry you. You want to know how I’m so sure? Because He does it for me.

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Shattered Surrender

Leave a Comment / Healing / /

“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To comfort all who mourn; To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” Isaiah 61:1b; 2b-3a ESV I met him at church. He was my pastor’s son, home on leave from the Army, and was in my Sunday School class. He was very handsome and it was hard for me to take my eyes off him. Actually, it was hard for any of us to keep our eyes off him since he was talking non-stop about himself and the Army. I thought he was arrogant and loud, but he had a charisma that I was attracted to. After Sunday school, his dad met me at the bottom of the stairs. “Have you met my Lieutenant son yet?” he asked me, with a lot of enthusiasm. I told him yes, but I was curious as to why he seemed so happy about it. I went into the sanctuary, sat down with my brother-in-law, and waited for the service to start. The “Lieutenant” came in and sat beside the pastor’s wife, which made sense since it was his mom. At different times throughout the service, I caught him staring at me. I was a little uncomfortable but wondered how this worldly military man could be interested in me, a poor little church mouse from the country. When the service was over, I met my family in the parking lot to go home. The Lieutenant walked right up to me and asked if he could speak privately with me for a minute. I agreed and followed him back into the church. He leaned up against the back of one of the pews and he said, “My name is BJ. I am 28 years old and I’m not into playing games. If you’d like to get to know me better, the next time I’m home on leave, maybe we could go out together. Can I have your address and your phone number?” I stood there and stared at him, unable to speak, and barely able to breathe. My heart pounded so hard, I was sure he could’ve heard it. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen, with piercing hazel-green eyes. I was mesmerized. When I finally found my voice, I gave him my address and phone number. He called from time to time and I also received a few handwritten letters. However, I found it odd that whenever we talked, he’d ask how much weight I’d lost. At a size 6, I certainly didn’t consider myself overweight by any means but I guess he did. At that, I went on a diet so the next time he called, I’d be ready with an answer. I did lose weight before I saw him again. I ate nothing but popcorn and drank only diet Pepsi for 2 months. I lost ten pounds. He came home for ten days at Christmas that year in 1982. We dated the entire time he was home. In fact, I stayed at his parent’s home, as mine was many miles into the country. At the end of those ten days, on a Sunday afternoon, he flew back to Fort Hood, Texas where he was stationed. I was devastated. I’d never been in love before but, if this is what it felt like, I didn’t ever want it to end! Never had I felt so cherished in all my life. No one had ever paid attention to or treated me the way he did. Before he went to the airport, he told me he had left something for me on my bed. It was his military photo, and written on the back were these words: “Always remember that I care and love you. I’ll return real soon for you. BJ” That was when tears found the edge of my eyes. I couldn’t hold them back any longer. I laid down on the bed and cried myself to sleep. Three days later, he called me and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes and the wedding plans commenced. I married my handsome, young Army officer in April of 1983. I vowed to follow him for as long as I lived. No matter where life took us, I was marked for life as his. Not only did I wear his ring, he was inscribed on my heart through a covenant. I knew we would get through anything life threw at us because we had each other and, more importantly, we had Jesus. Two days after the wedding, we set off on our honeymoon. We drove across the country from the state of Washington to Fort Hood, Texas and started our life together. At first, I was excited about my new way of life. I was happy to be his wife and just wanted to take care of him. At 19, I had fun as I set up our little, one bedroom apartment and cooked the few recipes I had learned in my mom’s kitchen. The distance between Texas and my former home, in the countryside hills of Oregon, didn’t seem so far as long as I stayed busy. But it didn’t take long before the reality of military life hit me. It certainly was not like any movies I’d ever seen, nor was it like the TV shows M*A*S*H or Army Wives. Not. Even. Close. The nature of his job kept him at work 12 to 14 hours a day. I was not used to being alone so much. I missed my family and my best friend terribly. I’m sure the letters I wrote during those lonely times sounded like I was miserable but I wasn’t as long as he was home. But when he was gone, the days would drag. He suggested I find a gym to join

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Downpour

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Healing, Hope, Revelation / /

Have you ever been awakened in the middle of the night to the sound of a heavy rain? It happened to me a few nights ago. No thunder. No lightning. Just the soothing sound of a steady downpour of rain on the roof above me. I have always loved the sound of rain. Even as a child, it had a calming effect on me. Everything always smells so good after a heavy rain. Calm. Refreshed. Renewed. Over the past few weeks, I have started to notice that I’m feeling calm, refreshed, and renewed. Something I haven’t felt for a very long time. And it all started with some birds. I was having a restless Sunday afternoon. It had rained the night before so it was quite overcast, which seemed to match my mood perfectly. I had been working on my taxes and, due to recent life events, found myself owing much more than I had expected. I knew my budget wouldn’t accommodate such a number so I tried to turn my thoughts toward happier things. I listened to the same sermon three times. I prayed. I sang. I wrote in my journal. All my efforts to find relief for my restless heart were having no effect on how I felt whatsoever. So I decided that perhaps another cup of coffee might help to distract my mind a bit. It certainly couldn’t hurt so I made my way to the kitchen and the coffee pot. With the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee in the air and a steaming cup in my hand, I walked back towards the couch and was stopped mid-step at the sight in my back yard. There were birds everywhere! It was perfectly normal for one or two to be hopping across the grass in search of its next meal but this was something completely out of the ordinary. This was different. There have never been that many at one time. I knew there was something very special about these birds and was intrigued by how I felt drawn to them. I sat down on the couch very carefully so as not to disturb them. As I sat there watching them, I noticed they didn’t seem to be nervous about my presence nor did they seem to be in a hurry. They were just present, in that moment. Turning their tiny heads to listen for the provision that was crawling through the dirt just below them. They weren’t anxious or restless. They were in the place their Maker had led them. They trusted Him to provide for their need. They were content and present in their place. So they pecked the ground He’d led them to and received their provision. I was mesmerized by their presence. My eyes went from one to another then one fairly close to the window caught my eye. As I watched him, he seemed to be coming towards me. He hopped a few inches then stopped and looked at me. He came a few inches closer and, once again, looked right at me. I believe time had stopped in that instant and I was literally being shown what it means to “be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). I was completely caught up in that moment. He stayed in this position with his gaze fixed on mine. He didn’t seem to be concerned about what the others were doing. It was as if he were the one chosen to personally come to me on this mission from his Creator, to ensure that I knew why they were congregated all over my backyard. The phrase that kept coming to mind was, “you know”. After what seemed like minutes, but I am sure it was only a few seconds, he hopped on and went about his task. It was then I realized what had just taken place. My amazing and loving heavenly Father had sent those beautiful Robins to my backyard to receive their provision and, in the process, show me that He was, He is, and He always will be my Provision as well! A promise Jesus made thousands of years before had just come to life in my backyard!! To say that I was overcome would be an understatement! I sat there, on my little couch, in my little house, in my little town in Alabama, absolutely in awe over how much God relentlessly pursues me! He cared about my restless heart so much that He sent those beautiful Robin’s to remind me of what I already know. He alone is my Peace. He alone is my Strength. He alone is my Refuge. He alone is my Provision! After regaining my composure, I turned my attention, once again, to the backyard. The birds had departed sometime during my praise moment with Jesus and yet, their impact remains. I have thought about them every single day since. God is showing me that even in a season of loss and drastic change, He.does.not.change. He is showing me that He is constantly pouring into my life. He is teaching me to be still and to know what I already know. I have been living in the pain of my past. So much so, I have been missing what is right in front of me. While I am genuinely grateful for this amazing place God has led me to, my outward actions haven’t quite reflected the posture and true desire of my heart. The struggle within me has been to acknowledge the end of my thirty-five-year marriage would somehow erase all of those years from having any meaning whatsoever. That admitting it was over and in my past would cause everything I’ve been through to be for naught. However, realizing those were lies from the enemy to keep me stuck in the pain, I knew I had a choice to make. I could stay right where I was, reliving all that I’ve been through, or I could give my past to Jesus

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Surrounded

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Hope, Relationship, Strength / /

Have you ever felt surrounded?   A few months ago, I listened to a sermon series called Maybe: God. The series centered on how to discern God’s voice from our own thoughts.   Usually, after hearing a series of messages that have impacted me as these have, there will be a time of testing. God will allow a situation to come into my life to test me on what I’ve learned. Not to show Him because He already knows but to show me. What continues to amaze me is when the test comes, I don’t even realize it’s a test until I’m right in the middle of it. This time was no different. You’d think I would have figured out the way God works in my life by now but I haven’t. I don’t think I ever will. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are My ways higher than your way and My thoughts than your thoughts.” ~ Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV I absolutely love this scripture! I will never be able to figure out God’s ways or the mystery or the wonder of Him but that is what is so amazing! It’s His overwhelming, unconditional, and everlasting love and the mystery and the wonder of Him that draws me to Him more and more! The more He works in my life and shows me more of who He is, the more I want to know Him and make Him known! A few weeks ago, I was faced with a decision. One that could have potentially impacted others. I really didn’t know what to do because (I have to admit) I was angry over the situation I was being faced with so, of course, I had my own agenda and a plan for what I expected to happen so there was a battle going on in my mind for control. I knew what my flesh wanted to do. My flesh wanted to fix the issue now but then I was quietly reminded of some key points from the sermon series that went on to jog my memory of a few times in the past when I’d made angry and/or impulsive decisions and doing what I thought was best. Those memories didn’t remind me of good times. So, first of all, I asked God to forgive me then decided to talk to Him about it. It didn’t take Him long to share His thoughts with me. He immediately brought a scripture to my mind and it couldn’t have been more on point. Could He have been more clear?! The reference for this verse is found in Exodus 14. The children of Israel had just been set free from 430 years of bondage in Egypt. They had traveled across the desert towards God’s promised land and between them and their promise stood the Red Sea. Added to the stress as they tried to figure out how to cross the massive body of water, Pharaoh and his Army were in hot pursuit of them. They were surrounded. So what did they do? Did they drop to their knees in prayer and call out to their God, who had just set them free from years of bondage? They did not! Instead, they whined and complained to Moses. (Absolutely no judgment here. I am just like them. I’m guilty of whining and complaining when things don’t go my way sometimes. Probably in much the same way I sounded to God when I started whining through my anger.) So what did Moses tell them? “Fear not…stand firm and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you…you need only to be silent.” ~ Exodus 14:13-14 ESV Has God ever told you to be silent?! I am so thankful for the directness of this passage and how it leapt off the page in my bible and slapped me in the face! I had absolutely no doubt as to what God wanted me to do. He wanted to me to stop whining and be silent. He knows my anxious, controlling, planning self and He needed to be clear. He’s been here with me a few times in my life and He knows how to get my attention. So, in obedience, I chose to remain silent and take my agenda off the table. No more trying to figure things out on my own. No more expectations of what I thought God should do. You’d think after all the amazing things I’ve seen Him do over the past few years, that I’d have learned by now that He is the One who started this work in me and He will be faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6). But I’m still human and choose my own way sometimes. So, from that point on, I purposed in my heart to wait on Him and be silent. Which was then followed by such an amazing peace and I knew that whatever happened, He was there, and I was okay. Then I picked up my journal and drew out what I felt the Spirit was speaking into my heart. This poor excuse for a drawing is the culmination of several sermons. Essentially, this depicts me walking into unknown territory with the situations in my life surrounding me on either side. To my right, I have things that come with just living life and, regrettably, some are of my own making. These are the slippery/precarious ones. And to my left, are the events from my past. These are the thorny/painful ones. I am surrounded but God is with me in the middle of it all. I am not an artist by ant stretch but somehow, drawing out the words that were flooding my mind helped me to see the situation from a different perspective.

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Just Be

Leave a Comment / Healing, Hope / /

Do you ever find yourself running scenarios through your head for a solution to an issue you’re dealing with, all the while thinking that they MUST be coming from the Spirit because, after all, the ideas sound like they’d work. Right? Do you ever know deep down, the ideas are coming from your own hopes and dreams and aren’t part of God’s plan for you at this moment? If ever? Do you ever secretly hope that God will somehow take your advice and that your ideas and His plan will end up being one-and-the-same? Maybe? Do you ever make an agenda for your life then ask God to bless it, like I do? This is where I have been. Inside my own head. Wishing and hoping for things that no longer exist and will never be again. Why do I do that? Why do we do that? Is it because we like being used, abused, and manipulated for someone else’s own gain? OR Is it because the pain of our new normal is too much to bear and it was easier to live in denial and dysfunction because it was comfortable? After struggling with these, and several other questions, for the past few weeks, I was finally able to quiet my own thinking enough to hear God speaking to my heart. And, by the way, God is speaking all the time…my problem is I’m too busy talking AT Him and telling Him MY agenda that it drowns out His still small voice. When the myriad of thoughts stopped captivating my mind, I heard Him speak to me. Just be because I Am. Just BE because I AM. Five simple words that changed the entire course of my thought process… Just be still. Just be held. Just be ready. Just be willing. Just be surrendered. Just be prayerful. Just be present. Just be comforted. I Am…your Hiding Place… I Am…your Provision… I Am…your Sustainer… I Am…your Confidant… I Am…your Refuge… I Am…your Best Friend… I Am…your Peace… I Am…your Future… I Am…your Helper… I Am…your Healer… Just be because I Am. This way of thinking has completely changed the way I see this new season in my life. It’s been almost a year now since God snatched me away from life as I knew it and started me on this journey of singleness with Him. It hasn’t been an easy road nor has it been without a lot of tears and pain. However, it has been the most blessed time I’ve experienced since giving my heart and my life to Him. Although I do not understand entirely what is happening during this season, nor WHY it is happening, I do know that God orchestrated it especially for me. He knows me better than I know me. He knows I am “MORE than a conqueror through Him” (Romans 8:37). He knows that “all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28). And, since He chose this season for me to walk through, I will not run from it. I will not ask Him to take it away and I will not take shortcuts. I will walk through this season WITH HIM. Even the times He has to carry me for a little while because “when I am weak, He makes me strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10). Just be because I Am. I will BE present in this pain. I will BE strengthened in this pain. I will BE held in this pain. I will BE comforted in this pain. And I will BE healed from this pain. Not my plans. Not my agenda. Not my ideas. Not my hopes and dreams. Not my myriad of “great” scenarios. I want His plans. I want His agenda. I want His great scenarios for my future. I want whatever He wants for me. Because I am His. Because I am chosen. Just BE. Because I Am. All you need.

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Beauty for Ashes ~ Jennifer’s Story

2 Comments / Bio / /

“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To comfort all who mourn; To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” Isaiah 61:1b; 2b-3a Have you ever experienced a life-altering event that you didn’t expect? Perhaps something that came out of nowhere and crushed you to your very soul? Something so devastating, you didn’t know how you were going to make it through the next 10 minutes, let alone a lifetime? I can answer in the affirmative to all of the above. My marriage of 35 years ended in divorce. It was something I did not see coming nor was it something I wanted. However, when you discover that the man you’ve shared your entire adult life with is living a double life with another woman and her children in a different country, you start to rethink some things. Before I continue, I’d like to introduce myself to you. My name is Jennifer. I am the mother of three adult children and mom-in-law to two amazing sons-in-law that I love as my own. I am Nana to 5 grandchildren who are the littlest loves of my life and let me tell you, they are my joy! During the week, I am a loan coordinator at a local mortgage company and on the weekends, I’m a homebody. That’s pretty much my life in a nutshell. Not flashy or exciting…just a 54 year old woman trying to navigate her way through all the adjustments that come with learning how to be single again. It hasn’t been an easy journey. When you love deeply, you grieve deeply. And oh, how I loved him. My life completely revolved around a man I thought I knew yet did not know at all. I am so thankful for a loving and merciful God who knows just how much we can take at one time. He revealed the devastating truth in stages. Four years prior to my discovery, God started giving me hints that something was wrong in my marriage. Just subtle things such as my ex-husband telling me that if we ever got divorced, we’d probably “continue to live together and just lead separate lives”. He was the type of guy who always teased me so I didn’t take him seriously all the time. But as I think back on it now, that was his way, and God’s, to show me the intent of his heart. As you and I walk this road together, I will be open while sharing my life with you. It won’t always be pretty or a “Hallmark” moment but I will covenant together with you to always be my authentic self, no matter what that may look like. This season has been raw yet revealing; devastating yet delivering; vicious yet victorious; grievous yet gracious. It’s the only way I know how to describe the myriad of emotions that I have experienced while going through rejection, betrayal, mental abuse, and deceit. I know, with every ounce of my being, there is only one reason I’ve made it to where I am today and His name is Jesus! Instead of running from Him, I ran to Him! Instead of pushing away from Him, I pressed in to Him! Instead of crying alone, I cried out to Him! I searched and studied and found comfort in His word! I listened to my Pastor as he brought message after message that spoke to me right in the middle of my mess! I sought after God’s truth because I wanted to be healed from the abuse, the betrayal, the rejection, the abandonment, and the pain that was ravaging my soul. I knew He was the only One who could bring good from what the enemy meant for evil! (Genesis 50:20) I knew He was the only One who could bring beauty from the ashes of what was left of my heart. (Isaiah 61:3) I knew that if God allowed it to touch my life, it had already been filtered through His almighty loving hand and He had a purpose for letting it happen. He’s a good, good Father and I know He only wants what’s best for me. I have seen Him do things during this season that do not make sense to my finite mind but I know it was His hand that made them so. And, most of all, I knew that if God allowed me to go through all of that agony, someday there would be someone who would need my testimony and encouragement in the middle of theirs. I knew someone would need to hear how He makes a way out of no way! I knew someone would need to be strengthened by truth from His precious word. I knew it would be you. It’s for you I share my story. It’s for you I am here. It’s for you God allowed grief to cut deep into my heart so I can understand yours. Grief comes in many different forms and may even change its effect on individual people but there is One who does not change! There is One who remains constant! There is One who loves you beyond what you can imagine and sees you right where you are. That One is Jesus! He is well acquainted with grief. He was betrayed and rejected by those who were supposed to love Him the most. He understands. I am still a healing work in progress but it is my deepest desire the Spirit will use the events I have walked through to speak to your heart. Whatever you are experiencing in this season of life, I pray that you will be encouraged and uplifted by everything we share together and most of all, that you’ll feel His embrace, and know that you are never, ever alone. “After you have suffered

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