Encouragement – Page 3 – Reflecting His Heart Ministries

Are We There Yet?

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Healing, Hope / Jennifer / July 5, 2020

Are we there yet? If you’ve traveled with kids, I’m almost sure you’ve heard this question resonating from the back seat! No family vacation would be complete without your kids asking this question at least five or six times! Kids just don’t understand or comprehend that sometimes, it takes awhile to get where you’re going. You can’t just snap your fingers or wiggle your nose and magically be at your destination. I have found this question isn’t just exclusive to kids. I have lost count of how many times I have asked this very question. Are we there yet, Jesus? We live in a fast paced world. We want faster cars, faster internet, faster results, and even faster food. If we send a text message and a reply isn’t returned within 10 seconds, we’re either sending another text or calling, all the while thinking the worst. It seems we want it all right now and have no patience if now doesn’t happen fast enough. There have been times in my life I’ve been guilty of wanting God to be the same way. I’ve actually made my plans, asked Him to bless them, then basically told Him to get on board with my agenda. I know that sounds crazy but, if we’re honest with ourselves, we all do it. We may not verbalize it but God knows. He sees the intent of our heart. He knows what we’re going to think before we think it. We want to get over the heartache and the pain now. But God has His own time table. He holds eternity in His almighty hands. He has a perfect plan for our lives and He knows just the exact time it needs to happen. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV He has a much bigger plan than our finite minds can conceive. Even in our frustration and impatience for Him to do something now, He extends His mercy and grace to us because of His incredible, unfathomable love. He sees us. Right in the middle of our mess; right in the middle of all our unanswered questions. I ask You, my Jesus, to forgive my frustration. My impatience; my short sightedness. My inability to see Your precious hand in the middle of my chaos; in the middle of this mess that is going on inside my heart. I am so weak. I only see with human eyes sometimes and not the bigger picture You have planned and should feel in my heart. Sometimes the day to day trials and struggles really weigh on me. And it feels as if evil is winning and that I am all alone in my struggle to process this season. And yet, I know I am not. Your amazing word is full of promises that are in there just for me. But sometimes, I forget that You expect action on my part as well. “You will keep in perfect peace whose mind is fixed on You.” (Isaiah 26:3) I realize my mind hasn’t been fixed so much on You lately as it’s been on my circumstances. This promise comes with a choice. My choice to keep my mind fixed (focused) on You. Forgive me for not making the right choice. From this moment, Jesus, I surrender this season to You…yet again. I may have to do it again until we are on the other side of this pain but I know You are with me each step I take. Even when You have to carry me…like now. Thank You for how You love me! Approve of me and call me Your own. I love how God loves me! Even when I’m whining like a little child! He knows just how to speak to my heart to get my attention and let me know that He’s always there. Whether it’s to bring me a word of comfort or a word of discipline. Are we there yet, Jesus? “My precious Jenny, You don’t understand. Sometimes, it takes awhile to get where we’re going”. —————————————- The above was originally written on August 4, 2019; 2 years and 11 months ago. I’m not really sure why I didn’t publish it at that time. I don’t remember the exact reason. My only guess is I didn’t feel led to. Whatever His reasoning at the time, I trust that now is right. Perhaps He had more to teach me before He allowed me to share it with you. We aren’t privy to the reasons why God wants us to wait for His timing nor do we know the plans He has for our lives. He alone knows them. (Jeremiah 29:11) We sense the direction He wants us to go and, in faith, we step out and trust Him for the next step. Well, that’s the goal anyway. If we’re being honest with ourselves, most of us want to take control and run ahead of God and try to fix things in our own way. I’ll be the first one to raise my hand and say that I am guilty of that very thing. I have tried to control people and situations and have utterly failed at fixing anything. In fact, more often than not, I made more of a mess than had I let God take the lead. And, what’s worse? I always end up in the exact same place I started. I learned some hard lessons that way but I love how God’s word always points me back in the right direction. The truth written on its pages makes me see how I need to let God be in control and that I obediently follow. His word is life and breath to me. But it hasn’t always been this way. The children of Israel wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years because they were too impatient to wait on God’s timing. They wanted to be in control and live according to their own

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Infused With Power

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Hope / Jennifer / April 12, 2020

It is what it is. Have you ever heard this expression? It is what it is. Things are what they are. Some situations or life choices are out of our control so just accept life as it comes and drive on. You can’t change what’s done so get over it. This was how I used to define this expression. However, these five small words, seemingly insignificant on their own, took on a whole new meaning after hearing my pastor preach a sermon on them. Our view of life in this fallen world is very limited. We only know what’s happened in the past so we do our best to learn from the mistakes we’ve made and celebrate the victories won. We plan for the future the best we can but have no idea what tomorrow holds. “We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God’s hands.” ~ Proverbs 16:1 TLB When I was a teenager, I committed this verse to memory from the translation of the Living Bible. Its meaning couldn’t be more clear. I imagine that’s why it’s my favorite translation. While it’s wise to plan for the future, I know that my steps are ordered and directed by God. So, I make my plans then allow God to reveal His plan as He sees fit, then I trust Him to walk me into it. Sounds easy, right? Not quite. When I built my home a few years ago, I visited the construction site almost every day. I watched as it transformed from a vacant, muddy lot to a concrete foundation with walls to separate the rooms that would become my place of safety and protection from the outside world. Once the walls were in place, I watched as the electricians pulled wire throughout the entire structure to enable me to have power in each room. After the power was in place, insulation was put in over the wires for protection, then sheetrock over the insulation and finally, the walls were ready to be painted. It was quite a process. It took about four months from start to finish and I enjoyed watching each step in the process. This home had all I needed to get through everyday life. As all of you, I am quarantined during this shelter-in-place we now finds ourselves in. I’m quite sure I can say, with 100% accuracy, that none of us planned for this to happen. Who would plan for something as horrible as a pandemic to invade our lives as it has? While it wasn’t in our plan, God knew it was coming. While I do not understand all that is happening nor do I know why, one thing is sure. God is still on His throne and He’s still in control. I believe that with every ounce of my being. Over the past few days, I have realized that time has become very messed up. I’m sure most of you have realized this as well. In my normal routine, I would be at work from 9 to 5. However, since being quarantined, my days seem to run together. It’s hard to keep track of what day it is. But as long as I work the 40 hours required of me, all is well. However, nothing is set. Nothing is planned. And, very honestly, it has rocked my world a little. Since the divorce, the routine I have established over the past few years, has enabled me to focus on healing and recovering from the abuse I endured for a very long time. Having a specific place to be each day for a certain amount of hours, helped me deal with the grief I had to feel in order to be healed. It also distracted me from it for a bit. And it was going very well. Since the shelter-in-place mandate was put into place, I have been out of that routine. The first few weeks were nice because it gave me a break from having to get dressed up each morning as well as not having to fight morning rush traffic on my commute to the office. Now, it takes me no time to get ready for work. I get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, throw on some comfy clothes, then sit down to my computer, with coffee in hand, and get started on my day. While all of that sounds great and I can do my job from the comfort of my own home, I see a huge error in this new way of doing things. Where is Jesus in all of that? Before the quarantine, I would listen to praise and worship music on my drive into work or I’d listen to a sermon on YouTube. It was special time with Jesus every morning and I looked forward to it. Since being at home, that part of my daily routine has suffered. When life gets interrupted with the unexpected, the enemy loves nothing more than seeing God’s kids distracted so he can redirect our focus onto the troubles of what is going on around us. Which, in return, takes our focus off what God is doing in us. I awoke this morning feeling very down and, for lack of a better word, disconnected. So, after putting the coffee onto brew, I turned toward the living room window and noticed the dogwood tree I planted last year, was budding back to life. I was afraid it had died during our last frost but not so. I quickly found my shoes so I could go out and get a closer look. As I stood there, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I heard the Spirit whisper, “I make all things new. Just like your heart.” The dogwood tree didn’t die. It was just in its normal routine of being dormant in the winter. God was at work in the unknown to bring it back to life, just as He does every Spring. I walked back

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For Such a Time as This

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Hope, Relationship / Jennifer / March 21, 2020

“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.” ~ Psalm 61:2 Have you ever been at the top of a mountain and looked out over the valley below? Most views from that vantage point are absolutely breathtaking, aren’t they? When I lived in Alaska, I would marvel at the grandeur of God’s creation. There were beautiful, snow covered mountains all around me. I never grew weary of looking at them. I was in complete awe when I’d think all of that majestic beauty was spoken into existence. God said the words and the mountains appeared. Nothing is impossible for Him. Absolutely nothing. Yet, even as I gazed upon and marveled at those breathtaking views God placed on the earth, my heart was overwhelmed when I realized the mountains weren’t what God considered His greatest creation. Nor did He consider the oceans or the finest detail of the solar system that spins above us as His greatest work. While all of those things are good and shout the magnificence of our amazing God, they still don’t even come close to His greatest creation. And what would that be, you ask? It’s a very easy question to answer. God’s greatest creation is US! You and me! When God created the heavens and the earth, He said it was good. When He created us, He said it was very good. He didn’t use those two words for anything else on earth except for us. We are very good. I’ve been thinking about that for the past few weeks as our world has been turned upside down over an airborne enemy that we cannot see. I have never experienced anything like this before and I would guess, you haven’t either. Our world has come to a stand-still seemingly overnight. I am not downplaying the seriousness of our situation whatsoever. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. What is happening in our world is very serious and we should take every precaution to protect ourselves and those we love. But, now more than ever, we should be turning our eyes heavenward and running to the Rock that is higher than we are. God has an amazing vantage point. He sees us. He sees our situation. He knows what is happening. None of this is a surprise to Him. He knew it would happen before the foundation of the world. He knew you’d be right where you are, at this very moment, caught up in an unknown situation, without a lot of answers. And it’s in moments exactly like this, He is closer to us than ever. I know that may not make logical sense but I know that I know that I know it’s true! I have lived it. It’s my testimony. When my former spouse walked out on me two plus years ago, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. Where would I live? Where would I work? How would I pay bills? I was caught up in an unknown situation, without a lot of answers. I had a choice to make. Do I run from God or do I run to God? I am thankful to say I chose the latter. I knew my situation was not a surprise to Him. He knew it would happen before the foundation of the world. Did He want me to be crushed and feel unfathomable grief? I do not believe He did. However, did He allow it to happen so He could show me Who He is and what He could do with a life situation that crushed me to my very soul? That’s an easy answer as well. Yes, He did. I didn’t see it then but I clearly see it now. If He hadn’t allowed all of those events to take place in my life back then, I would not be who I am now. I would not be at peace. I would not be free from abuse. I would not have this amazing ministry I share with my best friend. I would not have you to encourage or to lift up in whatever situation you’re faced with. But, most of all, I wouldn’t know who God truly is and how very much He loves me. He allowed all of that grief and pain to touch my life because He loves me. I didn’t understand that two years ago but I understand it now. God loves us so much that He sent His one and only Son into this crazy, sinful world to become one of us. He was fully God and fully man at the same time. He experienced every single thing we experience in this life yet He was without sin. The writer of Hebrews penned it best this way: “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” ~ Hebrews 14:15 & 16 NASB The high priest mentioned in this scripture is Jesus! He is our High Priest. And I am in absolute awe how the second part is phrased. Let us draw near with confidence to God’s throne of grace! Do you know what that means? It means we can come before God boldly because of what Jesus has done for us. Not boldly in a prideful way but humbly and confidently that He will hear us and listen when we call on Him. Jesus’ sacrificial death and His resurrection 3 days later, enables us to have a personal relationship with God the Father and He wants to hear us. He wants to know we want Him, we need Him, and cannot get through this life without Him! I know I couldn’t. In this time when fear is rampant and we’re facing a situation we

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Triggered to Praise

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Healing, Hope / Jennifer / February 2, 2020

It came from out of nowhere. I had an appointment across town so I decided to take a back road to save time. In hindsight, I wish I’d have thought it through a little more carefully. The back road took me into the area I spent 20 years of my life. As I crossed over the highway that led to the home my ex and I built together to retire in, the memories flooding my mind weren’t ones of missing him or even missing that house. The memories overwhelming me were ones of abuse, pain, and heartache. I was triggered. The type of trigger I’m referring to, as defined by Webster’s dictionary, is anything that reminds you of previous trauma. To be triggered is to experience an intense and, usually, negative emotional or physical reaction, such as a panic attack. My reaction was completely unexpected and came out of nowhere. One minute, I was driving along and the next, I could hardly breathe, the road in front of me became blurry as my eyes filled with tears, and all I wanted to do was get away from there. Processing through the hurtful events we’ve experienced is hard and excruciating. Sometimes when memories fill our mind, they certainly don’t take into consideration we might be driving down the Interstate or standing in the checkout line at Wal Mart. I know I’ve had to pull off to the side of the road more than once to get the tears under control and I’ve had more than a few strange looks in the grocery store. Sound familiar? After my divorce was final, I was in a very dark place. I didn’t sleep and I didn’t eat. It was all I could do to get myself through the work day. Dealing with grief and the constant ache in my heart was exhausting. When I crawled into bed each night, I played praise and worship music to calm the unrest in my mind and soothe the ache in my heart…then I’d pray for sleep to find me. I was completely empty and I couldn’t think of anything better to fill up that void than listening to beautiful voices praising Jesus in worship. I had long since lost my own voice. It had been pushed somewhere into the background and it just became easier and easier to not search for it. I don’t know exactly where or even when it happened. Probably somewhere between the contempt and the rejection and the betrayal and the abandonment. In the myriad of emotions that seemingly plagued my brain and my heart every second, my love for singing beautiful worship songs was left behind. Buried under the anguish in the basement of my heart. One evening after work, I got into my car, and completely broke down. It hadn’t been a stressful day but the sheer energy it took to paste a smile on my face for those around me, was too much for the brokenness in my tormented soul. I didn’t think the tears would ever stop. When I was finally able to gain some composure, the still small voice of the Spirit whispered… You need to praise Me. What, Jesus? You must praise Me. Oh, Jesus…how can I offer You praise when I’m such a broken mess? Trust Me, My child. That’s the best time to do it. I didn’t say praise the circumstances. Praise Me in the circumstances. But it hurts so much. I don’t even know if I have it within me anymore. I know it hurts. Please trust Me. Worship Me. Praise Me. My car had suddenly become holy ground. I felt I should’ve removed my shoes and been on my face because, in that moment, the Holy Spirit had completely filled that space. And with His sweet presence, overwhelming peace. Jesus wasn’t put off by my attitude, my brokenness, or the painful mess I was caught up in. He embraced me in the middle of it. Before I left the parking lot, praise was being lifted. At first, I was only listening but the words of worship set to music stirred something deep inside of me. It felt as if the praise that had been trapped for so long in the basement of my heart, started to break through. It had been so long since I’d sung anything but through the lump stuck in my throat and with tears still stinging my eyes, I started to sing… “Your promise still stands, Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness; I’m still in Your hands, This is my confidence, You’ve never failed me yet…” Did lifting those beautiful words change my circumstances? No, they did not but they began to change me. The more I sang, the lighter I felt. The sadness wasn’t as heavy. The pain not as painful. I felt hope well up in my heart. It’s the best I’d felt in a very long time. By the time I pulled into the driveway at the house, I think I may have even smiled. I made a covenant with Jesus that night. I promised Him no matter what I was feeling or what was happening or even if the circumstances didn’t change, I would praise Him! Through the tears. Through the heartache. Through all the things that seemed unfair. I chose to praise Him. The enemy knows our weakness. He cannot read our minds but he’s very observant. He watches us and keeps track of the places in our lives where weakness wins. I’m sure he gets enjoyment out of blindsiding us with a memory, a song, or even a smell to trigger the grief we’re so desperate to be healed from. His goal is to get our eyes off Jesus and onto the pain, the grief, or the situation at hand. He doesn’t want us to praise Jesus. He doesn’t want us turning our eyes to the only One who can comfort our broken hearts or give us hope in the middle of the

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The Letter

2 Comments / Encouragement, Healing, Hope / Jennifer / December 23, 2019

I found a letter. It began with fond memories derived from her childhood dreams of marrying the man God had chosen especially for her. While hopeful that I was about to read a wonderful love story, it suddenly took a very dark turn. After the first paragraph, I realized it had been written by a very distraught, very broken woman. It felt as if I were intruding and yet, being made privy to the private, deep pain of a woman trapped in an abusive relationship, I felt a connection with her. I felt sorry for her. Who was she? Did she truly feel this man was God’s best for her? She had said as much in the first few words. But how? How could she possibly have felt that way? The actions of this man she described clearly portrayed that he did not love her. As I continued reading her lament, my heart was broken. Here was a woman so clearly in love with a man who could, at any moment, cast her aside without a second thought! As if she were nothing more than an obstacle to his happiness and yet, she was willing to forgive him. I sensed her struggle and confusion as she had also written, several times over, she would let him go, if that is what he truly wanted. Even after 33 years of marriage, she was willing to let him go just to make his life easier. I could feel her agony as she begged him to love her again…if he ever did in the first place. I wanted to wrap my arms around her to somehow bring comfort to a heart that was clearly crushed. What kind of relationship was this? It clearly was not one of mutual love and respect. I cringed as I read her repeated apologies to him for the natural changes that had occurred in her body as she aged, none of which can be controlled. Then for her to volunteer to move into another room in their house just so he doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable when he looks at her? Really? What kind of monster is he? Did he really think she didn’t know how he truly felt? She told of feeling his eyes perusing her body as if he were hoping to find something to judge her for. The letter went on to list her suspicions of his questionable behavior and the stories and excuses that didn’t make sense. The words told of her daily struggle to be everything he desired only to fall short of his ideal every.single.time. She had exhausted every attempt to gain his attention. She told of choosing to knowingly nag him over little things just so he’d acknowledge her existence and engage her in conversation…even if it was negative. What more could she do? Should she do? I wanted to tell her to leave this abusive, controlling man, and run as fast as she could in the opposite direction. But could she? Did she have a safe place she could run? Could she survive on her own? Would anyone help her? Worse yet, would this man even notice if she were gone? Would he even care? This letter was clearly a desperate cry for help. Did he hear her? Who else could she turn to if not the man she had committed her life to? How could she tell anyone else of her suspicions? Could she even prove them? Did she need to? Perhaps she could go to her pastor? Or a trusted friend? Maybe she could find help through one of them. Yet, if she truly felt she could, wouldn’t she have done so already? WHY don’t you see her? You clearly do not know what a rare treasure she is! Oh, Lord Jesus! Please deliver this woman who is so desperate to be loved and validated that she’s willing to stay with this narcissistic man, for the mere crumbs he’s willing to throw at her feet now and then! Then the questions…oh, the unanswered questions that tormented her mind. I could sense her resolve to want answers and yet, at the same time, her fear to actually know them. She told of patiently waiting in anticipation for him to come home from work each night, only to hear his cold and empty excuses for why he was late…again. I could feel her deep disappointment as she wrote of the few times she’d asked him to sit up with her to talk before going to bed…and the only answer received was his deep sigh of frustration and angst for her having the audacity to even make such a suggestion. I am sure she’s felt all these things before now. She’s had to. Hasn’t she? How could she live like this? I imagine she constantly wondered where he was, who he was with, or what excuse he’d come up with next. Has she ever confronted him face to face? Perhaps she was afraid. Perhaps she’s been down that path before. Did she ever tell anyone how he treated her? Could she? Or was she too ashamed? Did she put on a happy face in the morning before she went out to face the world each day? This letter broke my heart. This woman was trapped with no answers to her questions. I’m sure she had many more but perhaps she’d asked them all before. Would they have made a difference anyway? Would she have received truthful answers? Somehow I seriously doubt it. Her words were ones of surrender but I could feel a quiet strength beneath it all. This letter seemed to be her last attempt to reach out to this man she loved before giving up completely. She clearly stated that she could no longer be his doormat nor could she bear his constant unspoken judgement. You may be surprised to learn that I know this woman. In fact, I am very close to her. I know her heart

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Nothing Wasted

3 Comments / Encouragement, Hope / Tami / October 24, 2019

“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from Heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” ~ Isaiah 55:10-11 Watering the newly planted grass that was to be my yard, watching the droplets fall to the earth from the hose I held in my hand, I prayed a simple prayer: “Lord, speak.” Through the leafy trees, rays of sunshine spot-lighted kelly-green blades of baby grass peeking through the soil, and I wondered what Jesus might say to me. Continuing my task, I could see trees, grass, earth and blue skies, but I couldn’t ‘hear’ the whispered words my heart longed for. I muttered again: “I need You to say something to me, Lord. This ministry is starting, the train has left the station, and while I believe with every ounce of me that this is my reason for being, I’m afraid I have nothing to say.” I quieted myself and focused on the water droplets spraying from my garden hose for the sole purpose of giving drink to these fledgling seeds. Without it, they wouldn’t survive. The labor of ground preparation and planting would be in vain. I worried and wondered if the seeds would germinate; if a lush green lawn was in my future…or perhaps, a writing ministry I feared I wasn’t qualified for. That’s when His answer came to me (in my own paraphrased way) and was quickly conveyed to my heart: “as the rain comes down and does not return without watering the earth, so My word goes out from My mouth and does not return void but accomplishes ALL for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:10-11). And I knew it was His answer to my question. I have been tasked with sharing my experiences with others. Mine has not been an easy life; no one’s is. But if the things I’ve suffered and contended with over the years merely “resolve” without benefiting others from lessons learned, then my suffering is in vain. And that’s where the disconnect has always been. Fear enters the equation (every single time), and it looks something like this… Life happens, something causes uneasiness, which leads to an inexplicable need for me to write, quickly followed by a fear to do so. Fear of a blank page turns into an even greater fear of putting my words on the page; words representative of vulnerable places inside me. This fear results in not writing; not following my calling. Often, I don’t even attempt that which I know God is patiently waiting for me to do. I knew I wanted to be a writer at 12 or 13 years old. By 16, that desire turned to need as a way of expressing myself, processing the world around me and finding my way. Teenaged angst can be a powerful motivator. It certainly was for me. So, I wrote. Like a painter paints and a budding thespian acts, I wrote poetry with abandon. I also spent a fair amount of time outside letting God inspire me through nature. If I were to look back and read my early works (and I have), I would be embarrassed at my immaturity and melodrama. However, if I were to also look beyond the surface, I’d see a young girl who not only placed value on language, but who literally basked in the beauty of the written word. In studying her drafts, I would see attempts at making words leap from the page and embrace in a dance of lyrical prose, and I’d see edits when those words didn’t quite communicate her intention. Fast forward forty years. Life took some left turns; the opposite of right. And while yes, I know that’s a bad pun, it’s also truth. My friend Holly used to say, “when making a life decision between two good things, ask yourself this question: ‘is it merely good…or is it right? Better yet, is one of the choices only cloaked in a mask of goodness?’” I wish I’d known that when I was young. How many wrong choices might have been avoided, and how much heartache saved? That includes my very recent years of intense grief over lost time and lost dreams. Life circumstances…even the most tragic ones…usually and eventually resolve to an extent that is compatible with life. The black hole of loss, the stinging memory of unfortunate words, the deep ache that settles over us when we’re hit with the realization that our own choices play a part in the agony…and worst of all, knowing that the pain of consequences extends to those we love but who share no blame. These things we can usually move beyond, to a place of healing acceptance. But for me, it’s been the sinking realization that precious time has slipped away, imperceptibly, coupled with the knowledge that time itself cannot come back. We don’t control it. A very tough pill to swallow. If there is one good thing about the passage of time, it’s that we can look back and identify where the wrong turns were and when they happened. From that knowledge, perhaps wisdom is gained and that is valuable. Like most of us, I wish I’d known then what I know now. So, what can we do now to step up to the plate and discern whether to take our best swing, or hold up? There are reasons we don’t swing at every pitch. Some pitches are simply bad. But if it’s fear, we shouldn’t let that factor into our strategy. Fear of failure, in and of itself, is never a good enough reason to decline to follow God’s leading. Sometimes fear is good;

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When Your Dream Dies

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Healing, Hope / Jennifer / October 21, 2019

Have you ever felt stuck? Stuck between what was and what is yet to be? Have you ever had more questions than what are answered? Have you ever had more doubt than trust? More struggles than victories? More loss than gain? Have you ever felt for every step forward, you took three steps back? Have you ever felt healed in some areas yet still grieve in others? While I know I am exactly where God wants me to be, it doesn’t mean the questions don’t come…it doesn’t mean I don’t get discouraged from time to time…and, I’m very thankful, it doesn’t mean He he’s left me to handle all of this on my own. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. God knew, before the beginning of time, I would be exactly where I am. Right at this moment. …feeling stuck… …in the middle… …with all these questions… …with all these doubts… …with all these struggles… …and, at times, feeling loss instead of gain… Is it what God wanted? Perhaps not…yet, it happened. Did He allow it? Yes, I believe He did, with all my heart. Nothing touches my life that isn’t filtered through His hand first. So, this is where I am. This is where I’m stuck. This is where I reside, at least, for the moment. What do you do when the dream you once imagined dies? What do you do when you were absolutely sure you chose the right person to vow your life to, only to be proven wrong in a matter of minutes? What do you do when God reveals the man behind the mask? What do you do when you feel your entire relationship was a lie? What do you do when memories take you back to the person he let you see and not the person he truly is? What do you do when you learn he didn’t love you and only married you to bear his children? What do you do when you can’t wrap your mind around how you were deceived for years? What do you do with regrets that cloud your thoughts and rob you of sleep? What do you do when you can’t remember life before you were his? What do you do when you feel you had no other choice but to put him before all else in your life? Before God? Before your kids? Before your family? Before your friends? What do you do when you feel you have to pick a fight just to get him to notice you? What do you do when you love so deeply yet he turns his back and runs to another? What do you do? Where do you go? My favorite person in the Old Testament is David. David, the young shepherd boy who was anointed to be the King of Israel before he was even big enough to hold up a crown. David, the young shepherd boy who killed a bear and a lion with his bare hands. David, the young shepherd boy who faced a giant and killed him with one stone hurled from the end of his slingshot. Now, you may be thinking that David must have had some kind of super power to be able to accomplish these amazing things. He didn’t. David was human…just like us. He had parents and seven older brothers so I’m quite sure he was picked on throughout his childhood from time to time. I’m sure he fussed and fought with his siblings on more than one occasion. He slept, he ate, he went to school, and he even had a job looking after the sheep. David was a normal guy who just happened to be chosen to rule over God’s people. He was just like us. He had victories and defeats. He made good decisions but also made some bad ones. Just like us. He laughed, he cried, he sang, he yelled, he prayed, he worried, he planned, he plotted, he dreamed, he despaired. Just like us. But there is something deeper about David that makes him special and absolutely endears him to me. David was “a man after God’s own heart”. (1 Samuel 13:14) It was the intent of his heart to live in such a way that honored God. Not a super power. It was just a choice. David was real. David was raw. David knew what to do and where to go, no matter how or what he was feeling. There are 150 psalms recorded in the Bible and David is responsible for writing 75 of them. I am so thankful that his psalms (journal entries, if you will) were included in God’s Word. Here, we are privy to his private emotions. Here, we are privy to the words that overflowed from his heart to God. Whether happy or hurting. Rejoicing or lamenting. “Hear my cry, O God; Listen to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You, when my heart is overwhelmed and weak; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I [a rock that is too high to reach without Your help]. For You have been a shelter and a refuge for me; A strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.” ~ Psalms 61:1-4 (AMP) David knew Who to take his heart-cries to. He called out to his Refuge; his Shelter. He asked God to lift him above the fray going on in his life because he couldn’t do it on his own. David needed God to lift him up. Just like us. When I am overwhelmed with life and have soul-searching, yet heart-wrenching, questions, I, like David, run to my Refuge; I run to my Shelter; I run to the Rock that is higher than I. God is the only One who can lift me above the fray to allow me to see things from His perspective. While I may not understand everything He is

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Strong Foundation

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Healing, Hope, Peace, Strength / Jennifer / September 1, 2019

Last week was a struggle. The days passed by slowly and it seemed as if everything I put my hand on was either messed up or didn’t go as I had planned. I was happy when 5pm on Friday rolled around because it meant I could go home and hide for 3 days. And hide I have. This little house God has blessed me with is my sanctuary from the world. It is my quiet place from all the chaos beyond it’s walls. I was able to watch it’s construction from the ground up. It was exciting to visit my lot every night after work and see the progress of it all coming together. One such evening, as I pulled up in front, I saw that the foundation had been poured. The sun was going down but I had just enough daylight left to do what I had been planning. I grabbed a black sharpie from my purse and walked to the concrete slab that would be the strength for the walls to come. I started at one of the corners in the back. I knelt down and began writing scripture on the foundation of my new home. I had planned on only writing on the 4 corners but the more I wrote, the more scripture came to mind and I knew it had to be written. After I finished writing the scripture, I prayer walked all around the edges then to the middle where the next seasons of my life would happen. At this time, my divorce had only been final for 15 days and I had no idea what the future held for me. I was venturing out on my own…just me and Jesus. But, you know what? Knowing He was my Guide and He promised to never leave me, I had no fear. I’ve been living in my home for almost 2 years now and every once in awhile, the Spirit reminds me of the scripture written on it’s foundation. My home was built on God’s word. Just as my life should be. I am reminded of a parable Jesus taught in Matthew 7. “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” ~ Matthew 7:24-27 ESV There have been times when my faith has faced the rains falling and the floods coming, with fierce winds beating down, as it was this past week. But even in those times, I know Who my Rock is. I know Who I have built my foundation on. I know Who my trust is in. I may have been tossed around a bit but I know the One who upholds me and I will not be down for long nor will I be swept away. I rest in and rely on God’s word to get me through the times when the enemy tries to get me to give up and give in. The fact that the enemy is messing with me in the first place is all the evidence I need to prove that I am on the right path and he doesn’t like it one bit. He knows that I trust Jesus with everything in my life…no matter what it is I’m going through. Jesus is my Strength and the Foundation of my life and anything the enemy can do to shake it, he will. Just as my home has God’s word written on its foundation, His precious word is written on the foundation of my heart. There have been so many times when I have been in the midst of a struggle or a memory from the past has triggered grief and I will hear the still, small voice of my Savior…whispering His word into my soul. He constantly reminds me that I am His and He is mine. He sees from the beginning to the end. He is in the details. No matter if it’s my checkbook that’s in the red or if I’m just having a sad day…He is there with me, right in the middle of everything I face. What about you? What is the foundation of your life built on? Money? Success? Your spouse? Your job? Your gift? I can promise you, all of those things will fail. I have put my faith in every single one of these and every single one, failed me. Every. Single. One. And, yes, I collapsed. Everything I’d ever known was swept away. I wanted to give up. I wanted to run and hide. Jesus knew that I had placed my trust and hope in these perishable things and He knew they’d fail me. He also knew I wanted to give up and run to hide. But it didn’t matter how far I tried to run, I ran into Jesus every single time. That’s how He is. Once you give Him your life, He doesn’t let you go! Oh, how thankful I am for that! For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? ~ Psalm 18:31 NASB Even the Psalmist knew the only foundation to build our lives on is Jesus! I know, with everything I am and as sure as I’m sitting here, I would not have made it through the trauma and grief of

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Seasons

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Hope / Tami / August 2, 2019

The steam curls up from the top of my cup, floating in the air, then fading from existence. Staring, I look for answers as though I expect words to pop out from the steam and hover in the void of space before my eyes. But it’s not that easy, I’ve discovered. I wish it were. Life progresses through seasons. Answers to the questions we have surrounding our circumstances arise from lessons we learn while in those seasons. The natural world changes predictably from one season to the next, but events in our lives can move us (or hurl us) unpredictably and without asking permission. I call these life events “seasons” because once we’re there, we usually stay awhile, soak everything in, take note of what we’ve learned, and then move forward as a changed person. Or not. The “or not” is up to us. Looking over my life, I can identify distinct seasons. All of us have them; the difference is they aren’t as timely or convenient as Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. We experience joy, sadness, hope, disappointment, fullness, emptiness…life, death. There’s a balance and a natural order to life, but sometimes from our limited, human perspective, we refuse to cooperate. Sometimes we like life, sometimes we don’t. I know I’ve tried to rush life’s seasons, growing weary of the pouring rain or the gale force winds. And then, when you want it, where is that rush of cool air in the blistering heat? Without looking deeper, it might appear that in the heat, the hardware store of life is all out of fans. In truth, heat refines us. In Spring, the mild temperatures thaw frozen areas of our heart and mind. It feels good to be warm. Like buried bulbs, we break through the hard earth, allowing the sun to smile on our accomplishments, our brilliant colors blossoming to the possibilities. Then Summer comes, still ripe with color, but warm becomes hot. I am not an extreme-weather person. I don’t thrive in the hot, dog days of Summer, or in the frozen realms of Winter. I find my happy place in mild, gentle conditions. Sadly, good character isn’t formed under gentle conditions. For instance, fire purifies gold and silver by extracting impure metals from the ore, leaving behind a richly refined product. Furthermore, while still exposed to the intense heat, the metal becomes soft and pliable, ready to be fashioned into a design of the crafter’s choosing. This is akin to the way our Creator works. Now and again, the Lord allows us to go through things we’d rather not be part of; painful things, yes, but they refine us in the process. Other times, we choose our own circumstances, although not very wisely. We sometimes get ahead of ourselves and we run ahead of wisdom. We’ve all done it. Personally, I’ve crowned myself the queen of unwise choices. I have some extreme regrets but living in a place of regret and self-condemnation doesn’t produce anything of value. Conversely, the pain we find ourselves enduring may have nothing to do with us, and everything to do with another person, or people. I know someone who is guilty of love. That’s all. She loved with her whole self, sacrificially, as Christ asks. Her reward was the pain of betrayal by an extremely flawed person, who falsely presented himself as someone possessing the utmost in moral character. He was the fraud, but she still bore the brunt of the fallout. He bailed and she was left to hold herself and her children together. But the truth is, she was never alone. And neither am I; and neither are you. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 34:7&8. “The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who reverence Him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.” When I read the word “encamp” a few images come to my mind: hot weather, camping, being entrenched, old military encampments with white tents. And in all these scenes, I imagine the Lord and His host of angels surrounding, supplying and protecting His warriors. I envision the soldiers gathered for evening rest before having to battle another day, a campfire in the middle for cooking, warmth and light. And while it stands to reason the enemy could also be surrounding and looking out on this scene, plotting its next attack, I believe to the depths of my being that those plans are in vain, because whatever surrounds God’s people, God surrounds it! No matter what season of life you find yourself in right now, no matter if it’s one that is natural, expected and predictable…or if it’s one that hit out of nowhere, like snowmageddon, a 500 year flood, or the drought of the century, it is a season in which you are not abandoned, you are never alone, and you will learn and grow. Not only that, but I predict you will thrive. Press into Jesus. Let Him love you. Let Him teach you. Let Him refine you. And always, always remember that “The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who reverence Him, and He delivers them.” Psalm 34:7

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He Does It For Me

Leave a Comment / Encouragement, Hope, Strength / Jennifer / July 27, 2019

Life is unpredictable. It can change at any given moment. One minute, you’re going about your day and everything in your world is good. Your family is good. Your job is good. Things could not be better. Then, the unexpected happens. You get a phone call giving you test results you wish you’d never heard. You read an email you wish you’d never read. You see a post on social media you wish you’d never seen. Life as you knew it, up to that point, dramatically changed and so did you. Although we never know what will happen in life at any given moment, there are some things that are steadfast and will never change. There are promises God has given us in His word that will remain. Precious gifts given to encourage and give us hope. Gifts this world, with all of its trials, can never take away. As I sit here, I am reminded of an incident that happened to me a few years ago. It was one of those unexpected things that life brings you once in a while. It was completely random and was not welcoming. My immediate reaction was frustration and anger. However, the Spirit lovingly convicted me of my attitude and gently reminded me that I had a choice to make. I could lash out in anger and possibly make things worse or I could listen and allow Him to give me words that, while getting my point across, would be received a little better. I’m so thankful my choice was to listen to the Spirit because the words He gave me, resulted in a good outcome. I was blessed with some closure that I had been praying about for over a year. Sometimes, there are moments with the Holy Spirit that can only be felt. Moments that happen so deep within your soul, mere words cannot adequately describe the emotion nor the magnitude in which they were received. You may be wondering why a loving God allows grievous and hurtful situations to touch our lives. Whenever I have questions about things I don’t understand, I go to His word. In the book of 2 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul tells of his struggle with something that God allowed to touch his life that he did not find welcoming. He pleaded with God to it take away…yet, it remained. “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ESV There have been countless times I’ve asked God to take the pain out of my heart left there by my divorce. There have been countless times I’ve asked Him to let me forget the feelings of rejection and betrayal. There have been countless times I’ve asked Him to remove memories on auto-play that only serve to remind me that he wasn’t the man I knew. And yet, they remain. Although I do not understand God’s ways, I trust Him completely. I have learned in my weakest, most vulnerable moments, I am strong because it is then His power can come through. I am not strong in and of myself but, when I allow His strength and His grace to carry me, I can get through anything…no matter what this life may bring. I don’t know the situations that have touched your life. I don’t know what you’re struggling with at this very moment. I don’t know who or what has caused grief to become part of who you are. But I do know this. I have been where you are. I am where you are. I understand. I get it. And you know what? So does Jesus. He’s been where you are. He understands. He gets it. He’s faithful. He’s constant. He’s a place you can hide. Ask Him to meet you right where you are. Right in the middle of your unpredictable-didn’t-see-it-coming-I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening situation. I promise you. He’ll be there. In the middle of your weakest moment. In the middle of unbearable pain. He’ll give you indescribable peace and His amazing strength will carry you. You want to know how I’m so sure? Because He does it for me.

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