Healing

Have you ever been awakened in the middle of the night to the sound of a heavy rain? It happened to me a few nights ago. No thunder. No lightning. Just the soothing sound of a steady downpour of rain on the roof above me. I have always loved the sound of rain. Even as a child, it had a calming effect on me. Everything always smells so good after a heavy rain. Calm. Refreshed. Renewed. Over the past few weeks, I have started to notice that I’m feeling calm, refreshed, and renewed. Something I haven’t felt for a very long time. And it all started with some birds. I was having a restless Sunday afternoon. It had rained the night before so it was quite overcast, which seemed to match my mood perfectly. I had been working on my taxes and, due to recent life events, found myself owing much more than I had expected. I knew my budget wouldn’t accommodate such a number so I tried to turn my thoughts toward happier things. I listened to the same sermon three times. I prayed. I sang. I wrote in my journal. All my efforts to find relief for my restless heart were having no effect on how I felt whatsoever. So I decided that perhaps another cup of coffee might help to distract my mind a bit. It certainly couldn’t hurt so I made my way to the kitchen and the coffee pot. With the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee in the air and a steaming cup in my hand, I walked back towards the couch and was stopped mid-step at the sight in my back yard. There were birds everywhere! It was perfectly normal for one or two to be hopping across the grass in search of its next meal but this was something completely out of the ordinary. This was different. There have never been that many at one time. I knew there was something very special about these birds and was intrigued by how I felt drawn to them. I sat down on the couch very carefully so as not to disturb them. As I sat there watching them, I noticed they didn’t seem to be nervous about my presence nor did they seem to be in a hurry. They were just present, in that moment. Turning their tiny heads to listen for the provision that was crawling through the dirt just below them. They weren’t anxious or restless. They were in the place their Maker had led them. They trusted Him to provide for their need. They were content and present in their place. So they pecked the ground He’d led them to and received their provision. I was mesmerized by their presence. My eyes went from one to another then one fairly close to the window caught my eye. As I watched him, he seemed to be coming towards me. He hopped a few inches then stopped and looked at me. He came a few inches closer and, once again, looked right at me. I believe time had stopped in that instant and I was literally being shown what it means to “be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). I was completely caught up in that moment. He stayed in this position with his gaze fixed on mine. He didn’t seem to be concerned about what the others were doing. It was as if he were the one chosen to personally come to me on this mission from his Creator, to ensure that I knew why they were congregated all over my backyard. The phrase that kept coming to mind was, “you know”. After what seemed like minutes, but I am sure it was only a few seconds, he hopped on and went about his task. It was then I realized what had just taken place. My amazing and loving heavenly Father had sent those beautiful Robins to my backyard to receive their provision and, in the process, show me that He was, He is, and He always will be my Provision as well! A promise Jesus made thousands of years before had just come to life in my backyard!! To say that I was overcome would be an understatement! I sat there, on my little couch, in my little house, in my little town in Alabama, absolutely in awe over how much God relentlessly pursues me! He cared about my restless heart so much that He sent those beautiful Robin’s to remind me of what I already know. He alone is my Peace. He alone is my Strength. He alone is my Refuge. He alone is my Provision! After regaining my composure, I turned my attention, once again, to the backyard. The birds had departed sometime during my praise moment with Jesus and yet, their impact remains. I have thought about them every single day since. God is showing me that even in a season of loss and drastic change, He.does.not.change. He is showing me that He is constantly pouring into my life. He is teaching me to be still and to know what I already know. I have been living in the pain of my past. So much so, I have been missing what is right in front of me. While I am genuinely grateful for this amazing place God has led me to, my outward actions haven’t quite reflected the posture and true desire of my heart. The struggle within me has been to acknowledge the end of my thirty-five-year marriage would somehow erase all of those years from having any meaning whatsoever. That admitting it was over and in my past would cause everything I’ve been through to be for naught. However, realizing those were lies from the enemy to keep me stuck in the pain, I knew I had a choice to make. I could stay right where I was, reliving all that I’ve been through, or I could give my past to Jesus